


Snapshots

by Raineishida



Series: Snapshots [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anders and Hawke are stupid and they love each other, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Bisexual Character, F/M, Family, Friends to Lovers, Gay Roommate, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Open Relationships, Roommates, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5831860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raineishida/pseuds/Raineishida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke and Anders are thrown together under unfortunate circumstances and it ends up being the best thing that ever happened to both of them. </p><p>These are snapshots of their life together, from friends to eventual lovers, to even family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Kirkwall

**Author's Note:**

> Anders is a tragedy. I love him so damn much, and carry him close to my heart. This fic was born via text with my best friend Tyler almost a year ago and I've worked on it weekly since. We've figured out Hawke and Anders' entire life out for this story. It won't necessarily be written out, but enjoy the snaps of it. 
> 
> This headcanon of Hawke and Anders is close to our hearts, and we hope they'll be close to yours as well.

After the death of Marian Hawke’s mother, she decided it was time for a change. 

While her younger sister Bethany was fine staying in their hometown of Lothering, a peaceful farming town, Hawke wanted to leave as soon as possible.

Their mother Leandra had been the victim of a horrible incident - murdered by her boyfriend. Hawke and Bethany had tried to talk their mother out of dating, but she had insisted that this one was nice, and his profile had pictures of cats on it, so how could he be a bad person?

After the funeral and the horrific and draining trial, Hawke had packed her bags, hugged her little sister, and gotten on a bus going south to Kirkwall.

Her forehead against the cool glass of the window, Hawke watched the countryside turn to cityscapes and breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, civilization.

Sure, she didn’t have much of a plan, but she had money in her wallet for a hotel, and an idea of where she wanted to find an apartment. Her non-plan was flawed, she knew that, but she was charming. She could probably talk someone into letting her rent a cute apartment in the city within her price range.

Four hours later, Hawke got off the bus and stretched her legs. Retrieving her bags from the undercarriage of the bus, she headed through the station and towards a vending machine to buy a drink.

In that moment, her juice was more important than the safety of her wallet, and Hawke didn’t notice the teenager walk past her and sneak it from her purse. 

A sudden shout and a dull thud caught her attention and she turned to see the teenager on the ground with her wallet in his hand. 

A shorter, broad and muscular (rather handsome) man shook his head, bringing his foot back from where he’d stuck it out to trip the teen. “Kids these days,” he scolded, scooping Hawke’s wallet out of the teen’s hands and handing it back to her.

“Better watch yourself. New around here?”

Hawke took her wallet from the man and nodded. “Yeah. Just got off the bus.”

“Welcome to Kirkwall. Sorry it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. You know where you’re headed?”

“A hotel,” Hawke said with a shrug. “Can you recommend any around here?” She mentally kicked herself as she realized she was asking a stranger to lead her to a hotel.

Already off to a great start. 

“Nothing great, but the one nearby has decent waffles in the morning, at least. Small victories, right?” He held out his hand. “I’m Varric. Varric Tethras.”

“Hawke,” she replied, shaking his hand. He grinned.

“Hawke, huh? First or last name?”

“Last. Point me in the direction of this hotel with good waffles,” she said with a grin.

Varric laughed. “I’ll walk you there, if you’re so inclined. Right place, right time, I guess. I don’t mean anything funny by this, just so we’re clear. But if you’re gonna get robbed within minutes off the bus, you probably need to be told a few things on the way.”

Hawke smirked. “I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

\--

On the way to the hotel, Hawke learned that Varric was a writer. He had several books published, and was working on a romance serial he was having trouble getting off the ground.

In their short time together, Hawke also learned that he was single but not interested as his heart ‘already belonged to someone’, but he had lots of single attractive friends if she was looking.

Hawke found herself laughing easily with Varric, and was thankful for his company.

He dropped her off at the hotel and wrote his personal cell number on the back of his business card. “Call me in the morning and I’ll help you look for an apartment. My friend Anders is looking for one tomorrow. Maybe we can find something for both of you.”

“How do I know you and this ‘friend Anders’ aren’t going to try to kill me?”

“Because I’d have offered to let you stay on my couch, and you would have come with me,” Varric said with a smirk and a wink. “You’re smarter than that, aren’t you?”

“Fair enough. Thanks, Varric.” 

He grinned. “No problem.”

Leaving Hawke in the foyer of the hotel, Varric headed out the door, his hands in his pockets.   
\--

The next morning after a choppy seven hours of sleep and a shower, Hawke found herself looking at Varric’s business card. 

She didn’t know what else to do besides call him. She had her phone, it was fully charged, she had pepper spray, and she’d learned a little self-defense from her sister’s boyfriend, Sebastian. She could take care of herself. Besides, Varric was smaller than her.

Her only other option was to go to the library to find listings for apartments, and how boring was that?

She dialed Varric’s number, surprised when he answered right away.

“Varric? It’s Hawke, from the bus station.”

“Well if it isn’t Last-Name-Hawke! Didn’t think you’d call. Did you have the waffles like I suggested?”

Hawke couldn’t help her laugh. “Not yet, they serve them until ten. I was wondering if I could take you up on your offer.”

“Sure thing. I was going to get Anders around ten thirty, can I swing by for you after? We can go from there. He has a few listings to look at.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“See you then, Last-Name-Hawke.”

“My name is Marian, but everyone just calls me Hawke.”

“Marian? Nice name.” Varric chuckled. “Though I understand why people call you by your last.”

“Bye, Varric.”

She hung up to the sound of him laughing, and headed downstairs to try the waffles.

\--

Anders was blond and skinny, his clothes clean, his hair long and tied in a messy bun at the back of his head. His cheeks were hollow and he had a few days worth of stubble on his jaw. Hawke wondered how often he ate. 

His eyes, which were probably beautiful once upon a time, were amber colored and hiding behind glasses, dark circles suggesting he hadn’t slept well in weeks.

He was nice enough, getting out of the car to shake Hawke’s hand warmly, his smile lighting up his face.

“Nice to meet you, Hawke. Varric has told me… Well, not much about you, considering you only just met last night. He… Stopped someone from stealing your wallet?”

“It was very gallant,” Hawke said with a laugh. “He tripped the kid as he was running away, and the kid fell on his face. Quite a scene.”

“I hear we’re apartment hunting together,” Anders said with a hopeful smile. “Not to suggest...living together, I should say. But maybe we’ll both find something today. I’m hopeful.”

“Need to get out of your current place? Shitty landlord?” Hawke asked, getting into the back seat of Varric’s car.

Anders buckled his seatbelt and let out a deep sigh. “My...partner, Karl, died last month. I need to find somewhere else to live. I can’t be there where all our memories were.”

Hawke froze, glancing at Varric who nodded slightly. 

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, it’s… Not an ideal situation.” Anders bowed his head and Hawke sensed she needed to change the subject as soon as possible.

Varric turned to face Hawke. “What about you, Hawke? Coming to the big city for any reason?”

Hawke glanced at Anders nervously. “My mom passed away a few weeks ago and I needed to get away from my hometown.”

Anders let out a sigh. “They always said the Maker has a sense of humor,” he muttered.

“I’m so sorry, Anders…” she whispered.

He turned to her and smiled faintly. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry about your mother. Were you close?”

“Not really, but… I don’t need to be reminded of her death. My little sister Bethany is staying back to take care of the house. I needed to get away from there. It’s just too much.”

Varric started driving towards their first appointment.

“I have a crazy idea,” he started. “Why don’t you guys rent an apartment together? It’s obvious you both would benefit from the company. I don’t really think it’s best for Anders to be alone right now, and Hawke, you need somewhere to land so you can get back on your feet, right?”

“I don’t know, Varric. We just met like...five minutes ago, and I’ve already made him upset.”

Anders laughed faintly. “It doesn’t take a lot to upset me right now, Hawke. It’s not your fault.”

Varric grinned at both of them in the rearview mirror as he changed lanes. “Let’s just look at these apartments, and if something works out for both of you, it was meant to be, alright?”

Hawke sighed. “I guess we could keep an open mind.”

Anders smiled. “Sorry, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. This is all...really fresh.”

Hawke decided to go the sympathetic route and squeezed Anders’ shoulder. “Do you...want to talk about it?”

“I know you’re curious, so I’ll just tell you what happened so you don’t have to wonder.” He took his glasses off and drew in a deep breath. “We were leaving a club downtown and a car jumped the curb and hit him. The driver was drunk. Witnesses called an ambulance, but it was too late. Karl died in my arms.” Anders cursed softly, his eyes misty with emotion. “I couldn’t save him. I’m a bloody doctor and I couldn’t save him.”

“Hey, Blondie, don’t beat yourself up about it. Remember what I told you. It’s not your fault, and the idiot behind the wheel is in jail.” Varric punched Anders’ knee lightly with his knuckles. “No tears today, alright?”

Anders let out a deep sigh. “You’re right. Sorry, guys. I’m a little...emotionally volatile today, I guess.”

“Understandable,” Hawke murmured, squeezing his shoulder again. “We’ll take it slow today, okay? Let’s find you a really cool space.”

Anders nodded. “And the same for you, Hawke. Thank you.”

\---

“Maybe the third time’s a charm?” Varric asked as they left the second apartment. Hawke wrinkled her nose.

“It better be. That one smelled like piss and ass, and I saw cockroaches in one of the cupboards.”

“Also it’s not cat friendly,” Anders noted. “I’m not leaving Ser Pounce behind.”

“Ser Pounce?” Hawke asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Anders grinned. “My cat, Ser Pounce-A-Lot.”

Hawke glanced at Varric. “Is he serious?”

“As a heart attack,” Varric muttered.

“Most people name their cats something simple, like, I dunno, Snowball?” Hawke asked.

Anders shrugged. “I’m not most people, I guess.”

“Apparently,” Hawke whispered.

“On to the next?” Anders asked with a smile.

Varric shrugged. “Let’s go.”

The third apartment was much more promising. The windows were large, and the sun shone into the living room making the space nice and bright. 

“Looking good so far,” Hawke said, opening the cupboards to check for cockroaches. The landlord was nice enough, and showed them around, making sure to note the two bathrooms, as well as the spacious master bedroom for ‘her and her boyfriend’. 

“Ahh, we’re actually not a couple -” Anders replied nervously. “We’re just.. Both looking for an apartment.”

The landlord wasn’t phased. “Well, then I guess it’s good this is a two bedroom apartment, isn’t it?”

Hawke and Anders glanced at each other. 

“Do you like it?” Anders asked softly.

She shrugged. “It’s nice, yeah.”

Anders adjusted his glasses. “Are we really going to… Should we do this? Rent together?”

Varric stepped back to give them some space, the landlord following suit.

Hawke sighed. “I don’t know, Anders. We _did_ just meet each other.”

Anders nodded. “Well, if it helps, I can afford this place on my own if you decide to back out.”

Hawke was quiet for a moment. “Let’s do it. No harm in applying for it, right? If we get it, we’ll go from there.”

Anders smiled softly. “Yeah, good plan.”

From behind them, Varric smiled to himself. Perfect. 

\--

It took them a week to get their stuff organized and moved into the place, but they kept it in piles in the middle of the room while they painted, both dressed in ratty clothes that were covered in paint splotches. Hawke had wanted to customize her space, and had picked a bright red for one of the walls of her bedroom.

Anders found himself stunned by the sight of her as she turned to look at him. “What do you think?” she asked with a grin.

She had a streak of red paint across her nose, probably by accident, but it looked like war paint, and Anders realized he’d follow her anywhere.

He hesitated before reminding his cheeks to smile. “It looks amazing. This is your ‘accent wall’, you called it?”

“Yeah. Draws attention to this part of the room, makes it look dramatic.”

“You have paint on your nose,” Anders commented, pointing to his own.

“Do I?” Hawke walked to the bathroom and laughed at her reflection. “I think I’ll keep it. Makes me look tough.” 

Anders laughed. “Tough? You got robbed during your first five minutes here!”

Hawke flexed, her paintbrush in hand. “Hey, screw you, buddy! I’ll kick your ass!” 

“I’m sure you could, considering you probably weigh half as much as me?” Anders joked. 

Hawke put the paintbrush down and rolled up her sleeves. “Alright, let’s go, you and me. Fight to the death!” 

“Perfect, you can paint the walls with my blood after you’ve sufficiently kicked my ass.”

“You put those words in my mouth for me.”

“Let’s just finish painting. You can resume the ass kicking later.”

“I’ll remember you said that,” Hawke said with a grin. 

Anders shook his head and left the room, chuckling under his breath. 

 

\--

Two more days and they had set up everything. Hawke didn’t have much, but she used some of the money she’d gotten from her mother’s life insurance to buy herself some simple furniture. A bed, a desk, and a couple of shelves were all she needed at the moment, as Anders had a lot left from his previous place and told her she was welcome to use his TV, as he didn’t watch a lot of it. 

They ate pizza from a box and sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch as they chewed in silence. Anders’ orange cat, Ser Pounce, wandered around aimlessly, finding a scrap of packing paper to play with. 

“I’m back to work tomorrow,” Anders murmured after a long silence. 

Hawke frowned. “You gonna be up for it?”

“I need the distraction, honestly. Unpacking has been nice and all, but… A lot of my stuff was given to me by Karl. He’s everywhere. I can’t escape his memory.”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing,” Hawke said softly. 

“I suppose not,” Anders replied with a half-hearted shrug. “I’m sorry I’m too deep into my own sorrow to ask you about yours. How are you handling all of this?”

“I... don’t know. My sister calls me every day to see how I am and I tell her I’m fine, and I guess I am. She was closer with our mother than I was. Bethy’s soft. But she’s got her boyfriend to look after her.”

Anders nudged her shoulder. “Who’s going to look after you?”

“Isn’t that why Varric shoved us together?” Hawke joked. 

“It did seem rather deliberate, didn’t it?”

“How did you guys meet, anyway?” Hawke asked.

Anders sighed. “I don’t actually remember a time when I didn’t know Varric. We’ve been friends for years. It seems like he’s just always been there. I think he just showed up in my life and didn’t leave.”

“He’s a good friend to you.”

“He is,” Anders agreed. “And now to you as well.” 

Hawke smiled. “I hope so.”

They sat in comfortable silence for awhile before Hawke put on some cooking shows. Tonight was for relaxing. Tomorrow would be for job hunting.

\--


	2. Job Woes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Job hunting sucks, especially in a new city. Good thing there are beautiful women around to keep one busy.

Anders only worked seven hours on his first day back, the other doctors and nurses knowing he’d need to ease back into his twelve hour days. While he was gone, Hawke ate cold pizza and waited for the internet guy to come set up their service. 

Once Anders got home, they realized they didn’t have any food. During the move, they’d ordered takeout for every meal which had been easiest while they’d been unpacking.

Anders had brought spices from the cupboards in his old apartment, as Karl had been an avid cook. Hawke had brought the bag of peanuts she’d been eating on the bus.

Anders had a beat up car he didn’t drive much because the hospital was right along the bus loop, but that still gave them a chance to get a big load of groceries if they needed to, which was right now.

They spent two hours wandering the aisles of the local grocer, small talking and getting to know each other a little better since they hadn’t had much time to chat while unpacking. In those two hours, Hawke learned that Anders hated pickles but loved cucumber and liked his food as spicy as possible. He was picky about produce, but bought no name pasta by the boxload. Hawke wasn’t sure based on their cart if Anders knew how to cook, which was a problem, as she didn’t either.

She slipped a flat of boxed macaroni and cheese into the cart and took Anders’ arm while they walked together.

“I’m scared this is gonna be a disaster,” she admitted.

Anders smiled crookedly, looking down at her holding his arm while he pushed the cart.

“Why? Are you a terrible roommate?” 

She laughed. “Well, no, but… I’m just a little nervous.”

“Me too. The last roommate I had was Karl and we were together for years. I don’t know how to do ‘I don’t know you’,” he laughed.

Hawke squeezed his arm. “I don’t either. Let’s make the best of this weird and unfortunate situation, okay? Not that living with you is unfortunate. I meant the circumstances   
bringing us together.”

Anders squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

Surrounded by boxes of familiar cereals and oatmeal, Hawke didn’t expect to start crying and was surprised when she felt Anders brushing tears off her cheeks with his thumbs. 

He folded her into his arms and they stood holding each other, both of them shedding tears while boxes of cereal with cartoon characters looked on.

\--

“You’re telling me neither of you know how to cook?” Isabela asked with a laugh. “Anders, how many years have I known you and I didn’t know that?”

“Karl was always doing the cooking for me,” Anders explained with a chuckle and shrugged. “It’s been spaghetti and mac and cheese for a few days.”

Isabela had come over as soon as she’d discovered where Anders had moved to and had shown up one afternoon to introduce herself. She and Hawke got along immediately.

“Maker,” Isabela muttered. “I’m going to teach both of you how to cook. I know what I’m doing, so listen well.”  
Hawke sighed. “I don’t even _like_ cooking.”  
“Well darling, let me teach you and we’ll see what happens to your attitude about it, alright?”   
Hawke blushed despite herself. Isabela was a constant source of flirtation and Hawke would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the attention. Whether it went anywhere or was just casual and fun, she’d have to see, but she didn’t mind either way.

\--

It was taking Hawke too long to find a job. Two months and almost no hits. Interviews, but no hires, and Hawke wasn’t sure what she was doing wrong. Sure, she had money to live on, but not forever. Anders had advised her to open an RRSP account, and invest the rest. Hawke had agreed to this good advice and now was living on money that was quickly dwindling past where she was comfortable.

In the meantime, Varric had insisted Hawke spend time with Merrill and Isabela, and Hawke wasn’t sure which one she thought was cuter. All the same, Isabela had taken to her right away, and they’d spent almost every day together since.

After another girly hang out, Isabela told Hawke she’d introduce her to some people she knew, because Isabela knew everyone. She had intentions of finding Hawke a job.

They brainstormed for a little while before talking about Isabela’s weekend job where she worked as an exotic dancer at a local club. 

“Can you teach me to dance like you?” Hawke asked.

“What, like… As a job?” Isabela frowned. “Babe-”

Hawke sighed. “No, in general. I’m not a great dancer, and now that I live in the city I want to go to a club and dance.”

Isabela laughed. “I get what you mean. Well, sweets, you learn by doing, so let’s live it up. Want to go tonight? Bring Anders. He needs to get out of the house.”

\--

Hawke and Isabela ended up going out for more drinks and leaving the boys behind before finding their way back to Hawke’s apartment, giggling, joking, hands all over each other.

“Is Anders home?” Isabela asked softly, her hands on Hawke’s hips while Hawke fished in her purse for her keys.

“Like you care,” Hawke murmured unlocking the door. “Just...be quiet. Can you be quiet? Do you know what that means?”

“Listen to you, sassing me.” Isabela grinned, her lips finding their way to Hawke’s neck. “Next time we’re going to my place and we’re making all the noise we want. I don’t fancy being quiet.”

Hawke blushed. “‘Next time’?”

 

“If you’ll have me,” Isabela breathed with a wink. “Now get inside lest I strip you down in the hall.”

\--

Anders wasn’t terribly surprised when Isabela walked out of Hawke’s bedroom early the next morning in one of Hawke’s t-shirts and little else. 

“Morning, Anders.”

“I’m surprised I didn’t hear you,” he commented with a wink before handing Isabela a cup of coffee.

Isabela grinned and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek in thanks for the mug. “Cheeky.”

“Hawke still sleeping?” he asked, peering down the hall to where Hawke’s door was closed.

“Yeah. Sweet thing, I wore her out.”

“She have fun, though?”

Isabela chuckled into her coffee mug. “Anders, really? Do you have to ask?”

“I suppose I don’t.”

“You _know_ how fun I am.”

Anders smiled and sat at the kitchen table across from her with some toast on a plate. “That was many years ago, but yes, I still remember.”

“If you’re keen to join us next time-” Isabela suggested with a grin. “I seem to recall you knowing a few interesting tricks.”

Anders blushed lightly and chewed his toast. “How about we never bring this discussion up ever again?”

Isabela studied him quietly before stealing the other half of the piece of toast on his plate. “Well, if you change your mind… Just let me know. As long as everyone’s cool with it, darling, you know I’m good to go.”

Anders chuckled and finished his coffee. “I’ve to go to work and save some lives, but if you could continue to take care of Hawke and make sure she’s productive today, that would be amazing.”

Isabela sighed. “Because I have nothing else to do, like work this afternoon.”

Anders poured some coffee into a travel mug and kissed Isabela on the side of the head. “I appreciate it.”

“She worries about you too, you know,” Isabela said while Anders slipped on his shoes. He frowned, keys in hand, mug of coffee in the other. 

“What?”

“She worries. She says you don’t get enough sleep, that you’re not eating. She thinks she can’t say anything about it because you’re not ‘close’, but don’t think she hasn’t noticed.”

Anders sighed. “I’m...doing the best I can, Iz.”

She crossed the small space between them and hugged him tightly. “I know, darling.” She smiled as he rested his cheek against her hair. “Just let us know if it ever feels like too much, okay? You’re not alone.”

He let her go and smiled softly. Isabela locked the door behind him and sat back at the kitchen table, nursing her coffee mug, lost in thought.

\--


	3. Cole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric receives a letter from an old friend.
> 
> Note: Seron is the name of my Inquisitor. :D

Varric opened the letter with some hesitation - he didn’t often receive mail and when he did it wasn’t often good news. But this penmanship marked the author as young, inexperienced with writing with a pen.

A good sign.

Varric unfolded the single sheet of paper and sighed. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

_“Dear Varric,_

_I haven’t talked to you in a long time. I hope you remember me. It’s Cole, the boy from the street. You helped me that day when I was so cold, confused, corrupted. I wanted to tell you that I completed my program. I also got adopted._

_They’re wonderful people, Solas and Seron. They love me. And they love each other. They smile at each other still, even though they have been together for so long. And that is important in a marriage._

_I hope you are well, Varric. You were always nice to me. No one else gave me a nickname like you did._

_I finished school. I studied hard, like you told me to. Now I can help people too._

_Come find me sometime if you ever want to talk. I’ll be working at the community center._

_Your friend,  
Cole_

Varric snorted softly. So Cole had succeeded, had he? Perhaps it was time to pay the kid a visit.

\--

Hawke said she’d meet Varric at the pub after she was done her shift at the coffee shop, a part time job she’d acquired recently. 

Luckily the pub was walking distance from the community centre. Varric had some time to kill, so he figured what the hell, why not? 

Walking into the community centre he found the counseling offices easily enough and wandered over. A nice lady at the front desk smiled at him and asked if he needed any help.

“I’m looking for a kid named Cole, does he work here?”

The receptionist smiled and pointed to a door to her left. “Just over there. He’s here for another hour. Did you need me to book you some time with him?”

“Nah, I’m just an old friend coming by to say hi.”

“Should I tell him you’re here?”

“Hello, Varric.” 

No need. Cole’s voice was soft, but it still caught both Varric and the receptionist’s attention and they looked up, startled.

He stood in the doorway to his office, tall, skinny, still wearing clothes that didn’t fit him properly, but he had color in his hollowed cheeks, and his blond hair had been cut to make him look presentable. His smile was shy, his eyes always kind. Varric smiled.

“Hey, Kid.”

“Come in,” Cole insisted. He turned to the receptionist and gave her a gentle smile. “I’m done for the day, please.”

“Sure thing,” she replied with a nod. “I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.”

Varric followed Cole into his office and closed the door. It was a modest little office, a desk with two chairs in front of it, and one for Cole to sit on behind it. He sat in his chair and curled his legs into it so he was perched carefully. 

“It’s been a long time,” Varric said, sitting in front of Cole. “How are you?”

“I am well. No longer wishing, wanting, waiting. I can finally help people, and you believed in me.”

“I did,” Varric agreed. “Do you live around here?”

“I take the bus every morning,” Cole replied.

Varric chuckled. “Your adoptive parents are good, you said?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about them?”

“I did in the letter,” Cole said. “Besides, are we not here to talk about you?”

Varric laughed. “C’mon Kid, you know I’m just here to check on you.”

“That’s not true.”

“What do you mean?” Varric asked, a wry smile curling one corner of his mouth.

Cole put his hands flat out on the desk. “You can tell me the truth. Whatever is said when the door is closed is safe, a secret. You can tell me.”

Varric frowned. 

Cole leaned forward slightly and reached for a pen to fiddle with. “Tell me about Bianca.”

\--

Varric’s phone had been buzzing for half an hour. He sighed and looked at it and noticed he had four missed calls from Hawke, and three texts. 

_Hawke: I’m at the pub, where are you?_

_Hawke: Are you alive_

_Hawke: Varric I swear to the Maker_

Varric sighed. 

Cole smiled softly. “She’s safe, and not angry with you.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean she won’t give me an earful,” Varric muttered. “I’d better call her.”

Cole stood and opened the door. “I’m glad you came to talk with me.”

Varric stood and stretched his legs, letting out a deep sigh he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. 

“Yeah. I am too, Kid. I feel...better.”

Cole smiled. “Good.”

“I’ll pay you next time though, you’ve gotta make a living too, you know?”

“Consultations are free,” Cole said with a soft smile. “Take care of yourself. Call me whenever you need to talk about things that are secret.”

Varric nodded. “Thanks, Kid.”

Outside the community centre, Varric called Hawke. She answered on the first ring.

“He lives!” she crowed loudly, following her shout with a burp. 

“Hawke, are you drunk?” Varric asked with a laugh. 

“No! ...Yes.” He could hear her giggling to herself.

“Where are you? Are you at the pub?” 

“I was, and now I’m on your couch.”

Varric raised his eyebrows. “How did you get into my house?” 

“I picked the locks.”

Varric unlocked the door to his car and got into the front seat. “...Are you waiting for me?”

“We had a date to hang out and you’re being a bad bro by standing me up, so I’m waiting here for you.”

“When did you get drunk?” Varric asked, buckling his seatbelt.

Hawke sighed. “Anders met me at the pub for dinner and we had a few drinks and then he walked me to your place because he knows how stubborn I am and wouldn’t go back home with him. So he gave up and left me here.”

Varric sighed and chuckled, despite himself. “Alright, Hawke. I’ll be there shortly. Stay out of trouble.”

“No promises.”

\--

Varric walked through the front door of his apartment and found Hawke asleep on his couch. He laughed. It had only been fifteen minutes since he’d said he was on his way.

Still, he took off his boots to be as quiet as possible and tucked a blanket over Hawke.

He turned out the light and tiptoed to his bedroom, texting Anders along the way. _”Hey Blondie, thanks for looking after Hawke tonight. She’s passed out on my couch. I’ll make sure she gets home safely in the morning.”_

Anders replied a few minutes later with a simple _”Thanks, Varric.”_

Varric lay back on his bed and sighed, feeling lighter than he had in years. “No problem,” he whispered to himself.

\--


	4. Bro Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric, Hawke and Merrill go on a bro date and meet some familiar faces.
> 
> Anders has a serious talk with Hawke.

Varric pulled over against the curb and lowered the passenger side window. 

“Get in, we’re going for a night on the town.” Varric slipped his shuttered sunglasses down his nose and winked at Hawke.

She stood on the side of the road next to her apartment building and frowned. “Varric what the hell are you wearing?”

“These shades? You like them? Daisy gave ‘em to me.”

“She did?” Hawke buckled her seatbelt. “I’m jealous, they’re hilarious.”

Varric chuckled. “Wear them for me, I really can’t see well out of them while I’m driving,” he admitted, passing the shades to Hawke. She slipped them on and started laughing.

“Where _is_ Merrill these days? I haven’t heard from her in at least two weeks.”

“She’s had a lot going on at home, she told me. That, and more migraines. She’s seeing a doctor about them though, I insisted.”

Hawke nodded as they pulled onto the freeway. “Good. I’m worried for her.”

“She’ll be okay. She’s tougher than she looks.”

“So where are we going?” Hawke asked, turning the radio up louder. 

Varric shrugged. “I thought we could go bar hopping, meet some girls, go shopping. The usual.”

“What are we shopping for?”

“I need more v-neck shirts. I can’t pick up ladies if my chest hair isn’t on display.”

“Well, we can’t have that. Your magnificence must be shared with the world.” Hawke grinned and put her feet up on the dash.

Varric laughed and turned the radio up even louder. “I know you know the words, Hawke. Let’s do this.”

They sang along with the radio as the streetlights passed them by.

\---

Merrill met them later in the evening for frozen yogurt. Hawke had loaded hers with granola and mochi and sprinkles and all manners of things that didn’t make sense, while Merrill had stuck with something simple - vanilla yogurt with strawberries.

Varric sat at the table in his new black v-neck shirt, and Hawke had already made fun of him for slouching on purpose to display his pecs. “Varric, put those away, you’re distracting the other customers.”

Varric winked and leaned back, flexing his arms behind his head. “You’re just jealous you can’t get any of this.”

Hawke laughed. “Please, I’d hate to ruin our perfect friendship.”

“Far from perfect, you met at a bus station,” Merrill chimed in. She was wearing the sunglasses now, and they looked perfectly silly on her. She loved them. 

“Right place, right time,” Varric said with a grin. “So Daisy. What’s new?”

“In life, or in my store?”

Varric chuckled. “You know I don’t shop at your store, Daisy. I’m asking about you.”

“I made a friend yesterday,” Merrill said between bites of yogurt. “She’s really sweet.”

“Is she a person?” Varric asked.

“Alright, no, but that doesn’t matter, does it?” Merrill frowned. “So it’s a rabbit. She was hanging around in the grass ‘round my apartment, and she came to me when I offered her a bit of lettuce.”

“You keep feeding her and she’ll keep coming back.” Varric’s smile was soft. Hawke loved how fond he was of Merrill, and loved more than anything to watch him talk with her. He treated her like a little sister.

“That’s the plan though, isn’t it?” Merrill said with a smile. “Though I suppose I shouldn’t tame a wild rabbit. Suppose she has a family of her own?” 

“What did you name her?”

“How did you know I’d already given her a name?”

“C’mon Daisy, how long have we known each other?”

“I named her Clover,” Merrill said with a shrug. “It’s a little cliche, I know, but… It suits her so well! She’s so soft looking and sweet… Maybe next time she’ll let me pet her.”

“Do you not have any pets, Merrill?” Hawke asked. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with Merrill yet, and didn’t know too much about her. 

“I had a goldfish once, named Mr. Bubbles. He didn’t live very long, though.” She sighed and finished her yogurt. “I’m better with animals that already have a home. I’m a little too forgetful to have pets of my own. Plus with my headaches, sometimes I need to be left alone in the dark for long periods of time, so… It wouldn’t work out, I don’t think.”

“I had a dog at my family home back in Lothering,” Hawke said. “He passed away last year. I’d had him since I was little though, so he was old.”

“Aww, what was his name?” Merrill asked.

“Shepard,” Hawke said. “I named him when I was little, but… He was a big dog. It suited him.”

They chatted a little more about pets for awhile before deciding to go for a walk on the beach nearby. 

Merrill walked a little ahead of them, to the beat of her own drum, which was fine with Varric and Hawke, as they enjoyed the silence together. Hawke glanced at Varric in his short sleeves and laughed.

“How are you warm enough?” she asked, zipping up her leather jacket to fend off the sea air.

“I run a higher temperature than most people,” Varric explained with a shrug. “I’m not cold at all.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it, his hands both warm and dry.

“So you’re like a werewolf or something?”

“Come on, Hawke, I’m not _that_ hairy, am I?”

Hawke laughed. “So what’s Merrill’s _real_ story? What aren’t you guys telling me?” 

Varric smiled fondly. “Daisy has always been a little different from the rest of us. But hey, you need one in every group, right? She keeps us young.”

Varric squinted suddenly and then laughed. “Well shit on me and call me a-” He paused. “Nevermind. It’s Aveline!”  
He lifted a hand and waved to a redheaded woman walking towards them with a tall man at her side.

“Aveline!” Varric called. 

The redhead nodded curtly. “Good evening, Varric, Merrill.” The woman, called Aveline, turned to Hawke. “You must be Marian Hawke? I’ve heard about you.”

“Good things, I should hope,” Hawke replied with a laugh, shaking Aveline’s outstretched hand.

“So far.” Aveline’s smile was polite. “Varric has so kindly taken you under his wing, it would seem. He’s more trouble than he’s worth, just be careful.”

Varric chuckled. “Aveline is an old friend, and the local sheriff. She’s tough shit, so… Watch your back around her. She scares the shit out of me.”

Aveline’s smile was gentle and her hard features softened slightly. 

“Nice to meet you,” Hawke said. “Kirkwall has been...interesting so far.”

“Well, welcome to our misfit family,” Aveline explained. “Ah, this is my husband, Donnic,” she said, gesturing to the dark haired man beside her, who nodded curtly.

Varric grinned. “And you didn’t invite me to the wedding? I’m hurt.”

“Varric, it was a small family wedding, we only had room for a few guests-”

“I’m teasing, Sheriff.”

Aveline blushed. “....Right. Of course you are.”

“We’ll see you around? Come for cards at the Hanged Man sometime. Even the Sheriff’s gotta let loose sometime, right?” Varric asked. “Remember how we all used to hang out?”

Aveline sighed. “Perhaps.”

“Bring the hubby. Maybe he’ll be better at cards than you.”

Aveline just shook her head. “Goodnight Varric. And Hawke, it was nice to meet you. Let me know if you need any assistance.”

“If you need any asses kicked,” Varric translated. He winked at Aveline, who scowled at him.

The group parted ways and continued down the beach.

Hawke smiled to herself as she settled on a log between Varric and Merrill, warmed by Varric’s thigh resting against her own. She wasn’t entirely used to being in this city, but it was nice to know she had made a couple of friends she could be comfortable around. She hoped it would stay that way.

Merrill picked up a stick and started digging a hole in the sand at her feet. 

Varric nudged Hawke’s leg with his knee. “So, has Blondie talked to you about anything yet?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific,” Hawke said with a smirk.

“He seems...a little out of it these days, and I’m starting to worry about him, is all.”

“Is there something I should know?” Hawke asked. 

Varric shrugged. “It’s not my place to tell you, but I’ll tell you that he should be taking his medication. If he’s not, I want to know so I can talk sense into him.”

Hawke frowned a little deeper. “Medication? Is he sick?”

“You’ll have to ask him. Like I said, it’s not my place, but… He’s seemed a little different. I know he’s been distracted having you around, but I can still see it in his face.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No, but he should have told you by now. Try to bother him about it as subtly as possible. He’ll know I mentioned it, but… At least try.”

 

\--

Hawke found Anders on the couch when she got home from her ‘bro date’. 

“Hey,” she called, hanging up her keys by the door and putting her jacket in the closet. Anders smiled up at her and continued to flip through the channels mindlessly.

Hawke watched him for a moment, wondering how much of his current expression was normal, or if this was the ‘off’ that Varric noticed.

She approached the couch and sat next to him gently, studying his face. He muted the TV and turned to her. “What did Varric say?” he asked, his voice soft.

“What?”

“You’re looking at me like you know something, and I know you were out with Varric tonight. Also - I’m not stupid. What did he say?”

Hawke sighed. “He’s worried about you. He asked me if you had...talked to me about anything yet. I don’t know what he means by that, but he says you’ve been a little ‘off’ lately, and he’s worried.”

“Maker’s breath,” Anders muttered. “He can’t mind his own damn business ever, and yet when we ask about _his_ personal life he doesn’t say a word.” Anders looked up at Hawke and shook his head. “I’m not angry with you, Hawke. You’ve a right to know.”

He shut the TV off and set the remote on the coffee table. “I should have told you sooner. Awhile back I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’m supposed to be taking medication for it, but… I keep forgetting, or I don’t want to, or…” He sighed. “I know I _should_ be taking it. It helps enough to make a difference, but…”

Hawke reached for his hand and he squeezed in response. 

“Karl would want me to take it. I’m surprised Varric hasn’t come to yell at me yet.”

“I think that’s why he sent me,” Hawke admitted with a laugh. “Tell me about it, because I’m uneducated about this sort of thing. What happens?”

“With bipolar in general, or with me?”

“You, so I know what to do, or how I can help.”

Anders chuckled. “I hate to sound negative, but you can’t help. When the depression hits I just kind of need to wait it out… I sleep a lot, I don’t eat much, I don’t talk.”

“Do you still go to work?”

“That’s actually one of the reasons why I work so much. When I’m...manic, I guess I’ll say, I work as many hours as I can. A lot of the doctors I work with know about it, so I get my hours in before the depression hits, so I can kind of...hide away when it does, because I’m basically no use to anyone.”

“What do you need me to do to help, and do you know when it’s coming?”

“I can usually sense it, but not right now because I’m off my meds. But I guess...I’ll start taking them again. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable, Anders, but if they help you feel better-”

“They kind of neutralize everything and help me function more like a regular person.”

“Anders, why would you stop taking them?” Hawke asked him softly.

Tears gathered in Anders’ eyes and he let out a breath he’d been holding. “Part of me wants to fall asleep in one of my periods of depression and not wake up again.”

Hawke tucked her legs under her and squeezed his shoulder. “Anders… Have you told anyone about this?”

“No. I figured Varric knew already.”

“Anders, you really need to talk to someone about this, a professional.”

“Maybe.”

“Please?” Her voice was so quiet, he almost didn’t hear her.

Anders turned to meet her eyes and was startled to see tears shining in her own. “My little brother died a few years ago and counseling helped me a lot. I was thinking of seeing someone now to kind of...process the death of my mom. My little sister keeps asking me if I’ve talked to anyone about it.”

Anders nodded slightly. “Maybe we would both benefit from seeing someone.”

“Yeah. We could go together and wait for each other in the waiting room as moral support. Would that be okay?”

Anders sighed. “Yeah, I think...that could be okay.”

“Do you have your medication in the house?” Hawke asked. Anders nodded.

“I’ll take it tomorrow at breakfast.”

“Do you promise?”

“Only because you want me to.”

“I want _you_ to want to, Anders.”

“I’ll work my way to that, okay?”

“Good enough.” She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for telling me. I wish you’d told me sooner.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She picked up the remote and turned the TV back on. “Want to watch some cooking shows?”

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I have limited knowledge on bipolar disorder. I did research, I asked around, and I probably won't delve super deep into it.
> 
> With this being an AU, I knew Anders' lack of Justice would be a thing I'd have to address, so I did it this way. Justice also existed once, and he'll explain that too... In time. 
> 
> If you have suggestions/critique/comments related to bipolar disorder, and if I'm handling it completely wrong/tastelessly, let me know.


	5. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas with the misfit family.

“She’s good for you, Blondie,” Varric said as he and Anders walked through the mall, coffee in respective hands. 

“How do you mean?”

“The company. She’s someone to talk to, who actually talks back, unlike your cat.”

“Pounce is an excellent conversationalist,” Anders argued, taking a swig of his coffee. Varric laughed.

“Rivaini and I worry about you constantly, Blondie. I’m glad Hawke’s around these days. Speaking of, what are you getting her for Christmas?”

Anders sighed loudly. “I have no idea. We’ve only been living together for a few months, I barely know her. What should I get her that isn’t too personal, but is better than a bath set?”

“Bath sets are nice,” Varric replied with a shrug. 

“Sure, for someone’s grandmother, or a sister you don’t like.”

“Hawke isn’t the bath set type, I suppose.”

Anders shrugged and shook his head. “No. She buys normal plain shampoo and bar soap. She doesn’t really wear perfume. Her side of the bathroom and her shelf in the medicine cabinet is pretty sparse.”

“How about a scarf?”

“You want me to buy my roommate accessories?”

Varric laughed. “I’m just trying to give you ideas, Blondie.”

“If I get her a gift card you have the right to disown me as a friend.”

Varric smiled and nudged Anders. “So let’s look around some more. Maybe you’ll see something that reminds you of her.”

\--

Isabela was preparing Christmas dinner. She was allowing help only sometimes, and only from Aveline and Merrill. Merrill’s ethereal gift with spices made for perfect stuffing, and the best mulled wine Isabela had ever tasted.

Aveline was, as always, organized and followed orders well. Aveline’s husband, Donnic, was working tonight. Hawke, Varric and Anders were not allowed anywhere near the kitchen. 

This was fine with Hawke, as it gave her time to spend with her sister, who had come down from Kirkwall that morning to stay with them for a few days.

They sat on the loveseat together, snuggled close while Bethany talked softly about things that were happening back home, and how Sebastian was doing.

Sebastian wasn’t Hawke’s favorite person, but he took good care of Bethany and he loved her very much, and that was good enough for Hawke.

“So tell me more about Anders. He’s the one you share this place with, right? He’s a doctor, you were saying?” Bethany asked her sister quietly while Varric and Anders chatted lightly and looked for a movie to watch that wouldn’t be too emotional.

Anders had already cried plenty that morning, this being his first Christmas without Karl, and Hawke had already made him many cups of tea and held him tightly. Christmas wasn’t special to her like it was to him, but she still missed her mother. Having picked up Bethany in the morning had helped, but Bethany had missed Anders’ crying. Hawke had heard him sniffling in his room and had snuck inside, crawling into his bed next to him and wrapping her arms around him. 

He hadn’t said anything, but had held onto her arms, his sobs eventually settling down until he could turn to look at her and offer a sad smile. “Thank you,” he had whispered. “I don’t know how I’ll get through today, but… I’m glad you’re here.”

“We won’t be alone,” Hawke had whispered back. “Let’s go make some breakfast. Isabela will be here soon to start working on dinner.”

Fast forward to 4:30pm and Isabela was basting the turkey, Aveline mashing potatoes, while Merrill poured more wine for everyone. Bethany had just asked Hawke about Anders.

Hawke thought for a moment before answering. “Yeah, he’s a doctor. He works really hard, I hardly see him, honestly. But we get along well enough when we’re both home.”

“He’s cute. I don’t normally like blond guys, but he’s pretty cute.”

“He needs to gain some weight,” Hawke muttered. “He barely eats, Bethy. I don’t know how to make him eat.”

“He’s a grown-ass man, he doesn’t need to be babied.”

“He’s been crying all day,” Hawke sighed. “I know he doesn’t need me to mother him, I just worry about him, is all.”

“Like he worries about you?” Bethany asked.

“Hmm?” 

“I guess you haven’t noticed that he looks at you every few minutes, then?”

“Does he…?” Hawke asked. Bethany had called it. Anders looked up to tell Varric something, but Hawke caught his glance past Varric at her.

She smiled at him and he returned it.

Bethany nudged her sister as Anders looked away. “You _sure_ he’s gay?”

Hawke sighed. “He had a boyfriend for like five years.”

“So? You’ve dated girls before, don’t start with your excuses.”

“So what? His boyfriend _just_ died. Like a month before Mom died.”

“And you’re young and hot,” Bethany said with a grin. “I bet he’s into you.”

“I bet you’re insane and just want me to date someone.”

“I bet-”

Isabela clapped her hands for their attention. “Alright, all of you lovelies. I’ve gotten you all ugly sweaters and I insist that you wear them. Even you, Bethany.”

Bethany laughed. “You’re too kind, Isabela!”

“It’s nothing at all. They’re all labeled in this bag,” she explained as she dropped the bag into Anders’ lap. “So Anders, darling, if you could distribute them, that would be lovely. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

The sweaters were truly hideous and it took far too much convincing to get Aveline to wear hers. Even so, the sleeves were too short, and she looked even sillier.

Isabela made sure to get pictures of all of them in their sweaters.

Dinner was incredible, which was hardly a surprise, and everyone retired to the couches after to rest before they opened presents.

They’d agreed on a secret Santa, but Anders and Hawke knew they had gifts for each other as well. 

People were milling about after gifts, eating dessert and drinking more, Isabela encouraging shots, while Anders gestured to Hawke to come sit next to him on the couch. He had a small box in his hands. 

“What’s this?” Hawke asked as Anders handed her the box. 

“It’s your gift. I...hope you like it.” 

Hawke laughed. “Mine seems enormous in comparison, now.” She reached behind the tree and brought out a large wrapped canvas. “Open mine first.”

Anders peeled back the wrapping paper and gasped, grinning with delight. The canvas was a photo of Ser Pounce-a-Lot, artfully photographed on the windowsill.

“Did you take this?” he whispered, running his fingers over the canvas. 

Hawke shook her head. “A friend of Varric’s did the shoot. I have a memory card with all the photos on it, but I liked this one best so we blew it up for you to hang wherever you want.”

“It’s perfect,” Anders said, tears sparkling in his eyes. “Open yours before I start crying again.”

Hawke laughed and untied the ribbon on the small box in her lap. She lifted the lid and gasped. Inside, a small silver necklace, a glass orange flame pendant dangling from it. She lifted the chain and looked closely at the flame, her eyes filled with wonder.

“It’s hand-blown,” Anders explained. “A local artist made it, and...I saw it and it reminded me of you. It’s one of a kind, it’s…” He hesitated, but then Hawke turned her eyes from the flame pendant to him and he found his courage again. “It’s a flame. Strong and powerful, hard to extinguish. A light that never goes out. Like you.” 

Hawke’s eyes were filling with tears, and she didn’t notice as the room grew quieter, as Isabela and Varric glanced at each other, as Bethany beamed with delight.

“You’ve been an inspiration to me since day one, Hawke. Life keeps dealing you a shitty hand, and you take it in stride. I have a lot to learn from you, and I already have. Thank you.”

Hawke threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close. “Anders, it’s perfect,” she breathed into his ear. 

Anders blushed, glancing up and seeing Isabela’s knowing grin. He frowned, but hugged Hawke back. 

“Help me put it on?” she asked when she pulled back from their hug. 

Anders fastened the chain behind her and smiled. It was perfect, just as he thought. 

Desserts, teas and coffees attained, Aveline said her goodbyes and ducked out early, while the rest of the crew settled into the couches for more Christmas movies.

Anders yawned, and Hawke put a throw pillow in her lap, gesturing for Anders to use it. Anders settled onto the pillow in Hawke’s lap, Merrill asleep under the Christmas tree, while Bethany settled in next to her sister on the couch. 

Next to each other on the loveseat, Varric and Isabela watch as Hawke began to play with Anders’s hair. Moments later, he had fallen asleep and Varric and Isabela look at each other, grinning.

“A bet, then?” Isabela asked softly so only Varric could hear her.

“Absolutely.”

Isabela smirked. “I bet you a hundred bucks they’ll fuck by New Year’s.”

Varric snorted. “You have high expectations for Blondie. You know New Year’s is in a week, right? I’m gonna call it for Valentine’s Day.”

Isabela chuckled softly and reached out her hand to shake Varric’s. “Deal.”

The rest of the night carried on and soon, Hawke too fell asleep on the couch, her fingers in Anders’s hair.

Despite the kink in his neck when he woke up, which Hawke helped him rub away, Anders realized this was the first time he had slept well in weeks.

\---


	6. Fenris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke meets with a friend of a friend and things...don't exactly go as planned.

Hawke arrived home late one evening a couple of weeks into January, smiling and giggling to herself.

Anders looked up from the kitchen table where he was surrounded with paper and smiled. 

“You look like you had fun tonight,” he commented with a sly grin.

Hawke grinned and sat across from him. “Isabela introduced me to someone. I don’t know if I’ll see him again, or if he’ll call me or whatever, but I still had fun.”

“Oh? Look out, Isabela’s ‘friends’ aren’t always the kind of people you want to be associated with.” Anders took his glasses off. “I don’t mean they’re bad people, I’m just…” He sighed. “Be careful, is all.”

Hawke smiled. “Thanks, Anders. I appreciate the warning.”

“I know you can take care of yourself, but… Sometimes it’s good to know what you’re getting into beforehand.”

Hawke nodded and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. “How was your day?”

“The same,” Anders muttered. “Research papers and medical journals and reports, stuff that makes my eyes feel like they’re bleeding.”

Hawke glanced at the time on the microwave. “Are you working early tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m on at seven.”

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“Are you mothering me?” Anders asked, chuckling.

Hawke shrugged. “You just mothered _me_.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll go to bed. See you tomorrow sometime?” Anders asked, straightening his papers into a single pile. 

“Sure.” Hawke settled into the couch and turned on the TV.

\--

Anders came home around nine two nights later, unsure if Hawke would be home as she hadn’t answered his text. With a bag of Chinese food in one hand and his keys in the other, Anders settled his stuff on the kitchen table and frowned. That sound. Was that…

Oh, Hawke was home. And she wasn’t alone. 

Anders blushed and decided to eat in his room. Closing the door still provided no relief, so headphones were going to have to do it.

He watched a few movies on his laptop and figured that (hopefully) by the time the clock struck one in the morning, Hawke was finished with her guest. At least finished making noise, anyway.

Anders took off his headphones and ventured into the living room. He wasn’t prepared to see Hawke sitting in on the couch in the dark, backlit by the TV.

He approached her from behind, footsteps loud enough so he wouldn’t startle her. “Hey.”

She didn’t say anything. 

“Where’s your...guest?”

Anders rounded the couch and saw that she’d drawn her knees up to her chest and had curled herself into a ball. Dressed in an oversized t-shirt and cotton shorts, she was also looking at the TV, but not watching it.

“Hawke? Are you alright?”

Anders sat next to her and reached for her shoulder. She flinched when he touched her and he frowned.

“Did...something happen?”

“He left,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but… He got weird and he left.”

Anders went to the kitchen and brought her back a glass of water. “Talk to me.”

“Things were going great,” Hawke whispered, holding the glass tightly. Anders could see the water trembling in her grip.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked gently. “Do we need to call someone?” Anders reached behind him and turned on the lamp next to the couch. 

Hawke quickly turned her face away but he could see the tear tracks on her cheeks. In turning her head, he saw something else, too. 

“Did he do this to you?” Anders asked, moving the collar of her t-shirt aside slightly to reveal a dark bruise between her neck and shoulder.

Hawke blushed. “Don’t...judge me, but…”

“Consensual?”

“Yeah.”

“Got it. Why did he leave?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know. He…” She took a sip of water. “We’d been getting along great. Texting every day, flirting. I told him to come over, we started fooling around, the usual-” She paused. “Sorry Anders, I guess you don’t need to hear the details.”

“Tell me whatever you’re comfortable with,” Anders said, his smile gentle. 

Hawke sighed. “I guess it was kinda rough, but that was cool with me. I mean, I checked in and he said it was fine. But after… He got kinda weird and flustered and left. Said he needed to think.”

“Well, that’s not your fault, Hawke. It sounds you did the right thing, checking in with him. If he’s too overwhelmed, that’s on him, not you.”

“I guess…” She took another drink of water and put the glass on the coffee table. “I guess I just...feel like I could have done things differently.” 

“Maybe, but maybe not.” Anders sat back into the cushions and put his arm across the back of the couch. Hawke leaned into his side and lay her head against his shoulder.

“What now?” she asked. 

“Take a shower, wash him off you, go to sleep and start tomorrow with a clear head?” Anders murmured. He tilted his head to rest against hers. 

Hawke sighed. “Maybe next time I go to the club you can come with me, be my wingman. Apparently Isabela isn’t the best judge of character. Someone warned me of that.” She nudged Anders’ ribs and he chuckled.

“You couldn’t have known. Maybe he’ll call in the morning and explain.”

“I hope so.”

\--

 

Anders was working a twelve hour shift. Seven hours in and he took time for a cigarette, a nasty habit he had picked up again to help deal with Karl’s death. After each cigarette he looked at the sky and promised Karl he’d quit, smoke, rinse, repeat.

He checked his phone and saw that Hawke had left him six text messages.

“Uh oh,” Anders muttered, lighting another cigarette.

_Hawke: He called me._

_Hawke: He apologized for leaving so suddenly, and he’d better be sorry._

_Hawke: Then he said he apologized again and said he really liked me, and wanted to get into this with me, but it’s all just too much for him?? and that he’s sorry again???_

_Hawke: Seriously what the hell does that even mean_

_Hawke: I’m gonna date ladies I swear to the Maker_

_Hawke: Do you know any cute ladies_

Anders laughed softly and texted her back. 

_Anders: Call Varric and have him come over. Get drunk and play cards. Take care of yourself. Self care!_

Anders’ phone buzzed seconds later with her reply.

_Hawke: Same to you, you ass. See you when you come home, whenever that is._

_Hawke: Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You need to sleep sometime._

Anders sighed. 

_Anders: I’ll be home at a reasonable hour, I promise._

_Hawke: I’ll leave dinner in the fridge. You’d better eat it._

Anders didn’t want to admit his eyes were watering with tears, but there it was. He finished his cigarette and put his phone away.

Back to work.

\--


	7. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke gets a text message asking for a chance to receive an explanation.

Hawke wasn’t expecting the text when it came. She’d kept his name in her phone, but had deleted the thread of less-than-savoury texts from two weeks prior that reminded her of a short time that hadn’t ended as she’d planned.

_“Hawke. You don’t have to come, but I’d appreciate it if we could meet for coffee and talk. I need to explain myself. I owe you that, and an apology.”_

Definitely not what she’d been expecting. 

She thought about it for twenty minutes before texting him back and agreeing to meet at a local Starbucks the next day.

 

\--

She left Anders a note on the counter saying where she was going and that she had her phone and locked the apartment behind her.

She couldn’t believe how nervous she was. 

Hawke opened the door to the Starbucks and saw that he was early, waiting for her at a table by the window. He hadn’t ordered anything, and had his hands folded on the table. She noticed that he was jiggling his knee nervously.

Well, she wasn’t going through this conversation uncaffienated, so she stood in line and ordered her drink, as well as a cookie she could put in the middle of the table for peace.

A few moments later she stood next to the table as he looked up and met her eyes. She felt chills run over her skin as they made eye contact and his expression softened slightly.

“Hawke. Please, sit down.”

She sat and put the cookie in the middle of the table. “Peace offering,” she said with a faint laugh. He smirked and shook his head. 

“Maybe later. I want to thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” he said, sitting up a little straighter. “I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”

“You said you had an explanation for me,” she said with a shrug. “I’ve been wondering for awhile what happened that night. Your phone call the next morning wasn’t exactly informative.”

Fenris let out a deep sigh. “I know. I owe you an explanation, and an apology, as I said. I’ve had time to think about it, and I know that I was wrong to leave. I should have explained myself right then. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Hawke watched his face, but chose not to respond.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, truly. Unfortunately, I’ve had...a lot of baggage resurface in my life, things I thought I’d dealt with. It seemed to all happen at once, really.” He moved his gaze to the tabletop and focused on it. “It happened around the same time I got involved with you. I should have just dealt with it then, or told you what was going on, instead of trying to convince myself everything was fine.”

Hawke sighed. “Look, Fenris. I understand baggage, but… I was embarrassed. I thought _I_ had done something wrong. Anders thought-”

Fenris nodded, averting his eyes. “I know what he must have thought, those bruises on you. I’m surprised he didn’t hunt me down.”

“I told him not to.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That I had asked for them, which wasn’t a lie and you know it.”

Fenris lowered his head and drew in a deep breath. “Listen, Hawke. I don’t allow myself to be...intimate with many people. You deserve the truth.”

“I’m here to listen, Fenris. Talk to me.”

He hesitated, frowning. After what felt like forever, he drew up his chin, squared his shoulders and nodded, meeting her eyes. “I was abused when I was younger, for a very long time. I had been led to believe that I deserved it. It’s followed my every move for my entire life, and I let it interfere with our relationship.” He let out a sigh. “The night I spent with you… Overwhelmed me. It reminded me of everything I’d dealt with, and I had myself convinced I didn’t deserve it, didn’t deserve to be happy.”

His knuckles were pale on the table where his dark hands were spread. 

“Parts of me tell me that I still don’t. I’m not asking for another chance. That wouldn’t be fair to you. I just thought you should know that it wasn’t you who caused me to leave that night. I’m sorry, Hawke.”

Fenris was surprised to see the tears gathering in her eyes. “I wish you’d just told me,” she whispered.

“You understand why I couldn’t,” he replied softly.

She nodded, and a tear fell. She wiped the track it had left behind and reached for his hands. “Well, Fenris. I’m honored you would tell me all of this. Thank you.”

He looked down at where she was squeezing his hands and frowned. “Hawke-”

“We play Wicked Grace at The Hanged Man every Thursday night. Do you want to join us?”

“What?”

“You look like you could use some friends.”

“How do you know I don’t have friends?”

“Well, you and Isabela are merely acquaintances, right? When was the last time you met up with people and had a drink and relaxed?”

He sighed as she let go of his hands. “Awhile, I suppose.”

“Then it’s settled?”

“I’ll have to let you know.”

“Better than nothing.”

“Hawke, why are you being so nice to me?”

“It’s called friendship, Fenris. You should try it. You never know, it might agree with you.”

The softness in his face was worth it.

\--

They parted ways after more small talk and Hawke dug for her cellphone in her purse, startled when she had eight text messages and four missed calls, all from Anders.

_Hawke._

_Are you safe?_

_Are you alright?_

_Is he still there with you?_

_Do you need me to come pick you up?_

_Hawke why don’t you answer me_

_Hawke I swear to the Maker_

_Hawke please text me back_

Hawke sighed. At least he hadn’t left voicemails. 

She texted him quickly. _Fuck’s sake, Anders calm down I’m fine._

She’d have to make something up for when she got home.

\--


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the cat's out of the bag...

Isabela returned to the table with a groan and a round of shots for the group. Her expression was tense, her eyebrows knitted. 

“I am tired of fending off all of these idiot men,” Isabela whined, throwing her shot back and slamming it on the table. “All they want is to fuck and ditch, which I’m fine with, until I’m not fine with it.”

“And that’s absolutely your call,” Hawke said with a grin, draining her shot and gesturing that Anders should do the same. He smirked and drank his shot, shuddering.

“Ugh, that’s awful, what is that, piss?” he complained.

Varric laughed and narrowed his eyes at his shot. “Should I even bother, Blondie?”

“Might as well, you know Izzy only brings us the good stuff,” Anders said with a laugh.

Varric drained the shot and coughed. “Ugh, Blondie’s right! Maker, what was that?”

“Piss,” Isabela said with a wink. “And Hawke took it without complaining.”

Hawke shrugged, grinning. “So you’re back from the dance floor about an hour sooner than I expected,” she said, addressing Isabela.

Isabela rolled her eyes. “Everyone’s particularly grabby tonight and I’m just not feeling it. It’s fine when it’s you, or whatever but -”

Hawke laughed. “Want to dance?”

“Yeah.” Isabela reached for Hawke’s hands and led her to the dance floor, leaving Varric and Anders to talk.

On the dance floor, Isabela didn’t mind that Hawke’s hands were on her hips, didn’t mind that her warmth made beads of sweat trickle down her back. Been there, done that. Hawke was beautiful, and Isabela loved being near her. But now wasn’t time to think about their periodic dalliances, it was time to help Hawke focus on the future.

“So when are you and Anders going to stop pretending to not be into each other?” Isabela said into Hawke’s ear. 

Hawke laughed loudly. “Are you joking?”

“No, you loveable idiot,” Isabela said with a grin, holding Hawke close as they danced. “You both stare at each other when you think the other isn’t looking, assuming that the rest of us don’t see it.”

“But Anders is gay, Izzy, it doesn’t matter-”

Her fingers squeezed Hawke’s hips as Isabela laughed. “Oh honey, Anders is as gay as I am.”

Hawke frowned. “But you’re into everyone.”

Isabela winked. “Exactly.”

Hawke paled as she stopped dancing. “I…”

Isabela frowned. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

“I...didn’t…” Hawke dropped her hands from Isabela’s waist and turned to look back at their table where Anders was laughing at something Varric had said. He caught Hawke staring and smiled at her.

Hawke shook her head. “No.”

“Babe-” Isabela reached for her hand but Hawke pulled from her grip, storming over to the table, tears burning in her eyes.

Anders looked up at Hawke and frowned. “Hawke, what-”

“Are you gay?” she asked, her throat burning.

“What?” he asked.

“Answer the question,” Hawke demanded. Varric cleared his throat.

Anders swallowed hard. “No. I’m not gay.”

“But-”

“Hawke, why are you upset?” he asked softly. Over the din of the music, she could hardly hear him.

“Is the cat out of the bag?” Varric asked. “Look, Blondie. You two have liked each other since last year, did you honestly think we couldn’t tell?” 

Hawke glanced back at Varric and frowned. “You mean-?”

Varric shrugged. “It’s not one-sided, Hawke. It never has been. I think you two are just too stupid to notice or tell each other.”

Hawke wiped angrily at her tears, smudging her eyeliner. “Ignoring Varric and the fact that he could have told me ages ago - Anders, it’s not like I had any sort of clue.”

“Sorry, was I supposed to tell you?” he asked. “I kind of had a lot going on after Karl-”

Anders stood and reached for Hawke’s arm. She wanted to pull away from his touch, but she was too flustered. 

“Let’s go outside,” Anders said. “I want to talk to you somewhere where we’ll hear each other.” He looked at her face, waiting for her permission. 

She nodded. “Alright.”

Anders glanced back at Isabela and Varric who nodded and then he led Hawke out of the club. 

Isabela sighed as she watched them leave. “Well, that could have been handled better.”

“The night is young, Rivaini,” Varric murmured. “I think it’ll turn out just fine. She didn’t punch him.”

Isabela chuckled. “A step in the right direction. Shall we continue drinking then, if the night is young, dear Varric?”

Varric raised the shot glass in her direction and downed another.

Isabela checked the date on her phone. “Also, I believe I won the bet.” 

“Nothing has been confirmed, hold your horses,” Varric said with a chuckle. “I’m not giving you a penny until I know for sure.”

\--

Hawke and Anders had decided not to talk just outside the club and started walking towards the train station to talk at home. 

Hawke didn’t know if she should break the awkward silence, or if it was better to wait, but Anders seemed nervous.

“So-”

Anders cleared his throat. “Sorry Hawke, I’m still...trying to gather my thoughts.”

“Okay,” she murmured. “May I...hold your arm, though? I left my coat with Isabela. It’s chilly out here.”

Anders glanced down at her, realizing she was in short sleeves. He shrugged out of his cardigan and draped it over her shoulders. 

After she’d slipped into the sleeves, she still reached for his arm. 

A gesture that had become familiar to her was suddenly uncomfortable, but she had to fight past it. Despite this strange confession from _other people_ , she wanted to keep things as normal as possible.

They stood too close together on the train, Anders still processing, but in her space, looking down his eyelashes at her, studying her carefully.

Hawke didn’t know how to address it, didn’t know how to talk to him. How did you ask your roommate how long he’d (also) secretly been in love with you?

“You’ve… Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly, just loud enough for him to hear, but he still watched her mouth to make out what she was saying.

“Hawke, really?” he asked, tired. “You had enough of your own stuff going on, did you really want me to pile my feelings onto that?”

“You’ve been mourning Karl, how -”

“I...think he’d want me to move on.”

Hawke sighed, her expression soft, defeated. “To your hot roommate?”

Anders chuckled. “How was he to know I’d get a hot roommate?”

“I knew it would be difficult for you to resist this ass.” She grinned up at him, holding on to the railing tightly as the train bumbled along the tracks.

Anders blushed. “I will refrain from commenting until we are in private, as I’m unsure of my own self control at the moment.” 

His comment earned a blush from Hawke as well, so they smiled and silently agreed not to talk until they’d arrived home.

After the comment on the train, Hawke and Anders said nothing, but remained standing just a little too close, walking home from the station in silence. Once the door to their apartment was closed, Hawke found herself with her back against it, Anders once again in her space.

“I have wanted to kiss you for… Maker knows how long,” he whispered, one hand supporting him on the door behind her, his free hand reaching for hers. 

“So what stops you?” she asked, her smile soft.

“I’m nervous,” he admitted.

Hawke pulled him in by his shoulders and met him in the middle. Their first kiss, while a little awkward, still felt like home and Hawke couldn’t deny the butterflies in her belly.

Anders’ hands had found her waist and they broke the kiss, resting their foreheads against each other.

“Are you still nervous?” Hawke asked. 

“I’m afraid I might be even more nervous now,” Anders said with a chuckle. “I...have wanted you for awhile. I’m embarrassed.”

“What are you nervous about?” Hawke asked, taking his hands. 

“It’s been some time since I was with a woman. I’m…”

“Please,” Hawke said with a giggle. “It’s not like you forget that stuff. Besides, I’ll help you. We’ll go at your pace, okay? Promise.”

“Alright,” he replied softly. 

“Couch? My room?” Hawke asked. “Shall we be teenagers and make out on the couch and then talk until four in the morning?” 

Anders laughed. “That is...strangely appealing to me.”

Hawke led him to the couch and sat down next to him, nervously anticipating the next move. It felt like forever, and the few seconds it took for him to kiss her again stretched on in agony. 

How strange it was to make out on her own couch, not with a guest, but with her roommate. How strange it was to be completely enjoying it, wrapped up in his arms, one of her legs tucked up around his waist.

He felt like home. She didn’t want to change a thing about him. She wouldn’t change how he smiled against her lips, how soft his hair was, coming out of the elastic he’d tied it up with, nor the smell of him, his soap, his shampoo, and an underlying scent that she’d come to associate was just the smell of Anders.

When they paused after a while to catch their breath, Hawke was on her back, head against cheap throw pillows, Anders next to her. Somehow they’d become tangled together to keep from falling off the couch and Hawke started laughing.

“This is exactly what I was going for,” she said, kissing the tip of Anders’ nose. 

“Is this the part where I tell you my mom won’t be home for a few more hours?” Anders murmured with a laugh. 

“I’d be concerned if she was coming over at this time of night,” Hawke said. “Also, at all. I thought your parents died when you were young?”

Anders chuckled. “I’m kidding.”

“Don’t even joke about zombie parents interrupting us. This is precious couch time.”

“Apologies,” Anders whispered, his kiss soft. 

She pushed him back up gently and untangled their legs, straddling his lap instead. She hesitated but for a moment before pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it behind her. She heard it land on the table and knock something off and decided she didn’t care. 

If Anders was terrified he didn’t show it, his hands finding her hips with ease as his face reacted slowly. 

Hawke’s grin spread slowly over her face. “You’re allowed to look, Anders. That’s why I took my shirt off.”

He laughed nervously, his cheeks red. “I told you to give me grace!” 

Smoothing his hair back behind his ears she smiled and leaned her forehead against his. 

“Come to bed with me?” she asked softly. 

Anders hesitated. “Are you...sure?”

“I am,” Hawke nodded, then touched his face with careful fingertips. “Are you?”

“Very,” he assured her. 

“If that changes at any point, just tell me. I won’t be mad, I promise.”

His smile was soft and he leaned in to kiss her again. “Only if you promise to do the same.”

 

\--

Hawke woke in her bed early the next morning, curled in sheets and blankets and shivering. Why was she so cold? Oh right, she’d left the window open.

She frowned. Wait. Hadn’t she…? Last night…?

She rolled over in bed and expected to see him there, but felt her heart drop into her stomach when she saw the space next to her was empty. She wasn’t surprised, but definitely disappointed.

_Guess I should start packing and looking for a new place to live since I’ve fucked everything up again,_ she thought to herself, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. She sat up, wrapping the sheet around her to fend off the cold air and drew her knees up to her chest. 

She sat in silent despair for thirty more seconds before her bedroom door swung open with a squeak and Anders walked in with two cups of coffee, dressed in his boxers and a plain t-shirt. “Good morning, love,” he said softly with a gentle smile. Then he noticed her face. 

“Hawke-”

“I thought you’d left, I’m sorry, I’m being stupid-” she said, blinking her tears away and covering her face. 

Anders set the coffees down on her nightstand and crawled into bed next to her, gathering her into his arms. He kissed the side of her head, smiling despite himself.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I just thought you’d want some coffee…”

Hawke laughed. “I _definitely_ will need some coffee.”

“I should have stayed until you woke up,” Anders said. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s not realistic, that only happens in movies,” Hawke said with a laugh as Anders handed her one of the mugs.

“Not true, sometimes someone wants to make coffee to show they care,” the blond said with a wink. “Besides, you don’t strike me as much of a cuddler.”

“I might be right now, it’s fucking freezing in here,” Hawke murmured. 

“It is, why the hell is the window open? It’s February.”

“Fresh air?”

“Boasting to the neighbors?” Anders joked. “Also don’t check your phone. You’ll have at least four missed calls and eight text messages from Isabela alone.”

Hawke laughed. “Checking to make sure we got home alive?”

“Most of the texts are rather vulgar, though I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you.”

“Not in the slightest,” Hawke said with a grin, drinking some of her coffee. “Also I don’t know how to do awkward morning after, so give me a little grace too, okay?”

Anders drained his coffee mug and settled back into the pillows, bringing the blankets over him. “We’re unconventional, it’s what we do best. Lie here with me for a bit while we figure out what to tell our friends.”

Hawke set her mug down and settled into Anders’ side, relaxing as he wrapped an arm around her.

“Do we tell them anything, or do we keep them in suspense?” Hawke asked.

“Isabela will be able to tell the moment she sees me,” Anders admitted. “I’m not good at hiding my emotions, apparently.”

Hawke chuckled. “This is true. Though apparently you’re good at hiding a lot, or I’m just stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Anders murmured, running fingers through her hair. “Distracted. Busy. Focused on keeping the friendship going. But definitely not stupid.”

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” she asked, looking up at him. He shrugged. 

“Same reasons, I suppose.”

Hawke was quiet for a moment. “So all of those times I walked around in just my t-shirt and underwear, thinking it wouldn’t bother you…”

“Absolute torture.”

Hawke laughed into his shirt. “I’m so sorry. I really had no idea.”

“I’m so glad I can pass as gay for you,” Anders joked. “I’m really surprised you didn’t know.”

“So have you dated women in the past?”

“Yeah, a couple, but nothing really substantial. Karl was...serious. I probably would have married him.”

Hawke’s expression was soft. “I wish I could have met him. He sounds lovely.”

“He was,” Anders whispered. He reached for Hawke’s free hand and laced their fingers together. “It doesn’t really hurt to talk about him anymore. I think I have you to thank for that. Your company has really helped me to move on. If I’d been alone, I think I’d probably still be in a pit of despair.”

“You were never alone, Anders.”

“No, but… Varric forced us together, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. He did that on purpose because he’s probably tired of babysitting me. I’m not his favorite brand of crazy.”

“Anders…”

His eyes betrayed him. “I’m… I’m okay. I’m back on my meds as per your request, and they’re helping. It’s taken a lot of hard work but I’m past the brink of despair,” he said with a smile. 

“Are you sure?”

“Mostly,” he said with a grin.

“Anders, I swear-”

“I’m fine, I promise.”

Hawke sat up and glared down at him. “You’re a _doctor_ , you know the dangers of depression and other mental illnesses.”

“Is this the conversation you want to have with me right now while you’re still naked?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Hawke said with a scowl.

Anders sat up and cupped her face in his hands. “I’ll see someone, okay? I’ll talk to someone about it.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Varric has been seeing someone,” Hawke said. “Maybe you could see him too?”

“Really, Varric has?” Anders looked surprised. “I’ll ask him.”

“I’ll follow up with you on this, you know.”

“You’re a better doctor than I am.”

“I’ll write you a real prescription and everything,” she said with a laugh. 

“Oh yeah? What will you prescribe for me?”

“‘The patient requires kisses and love as often as can be acquired, and to watch cute cat videos on Youtube every morning before work.’”

Anders kissed her nose. “You’d be an excellent doctor.”

“I know I would.” Hawke paused. “I’m...going to take a shower. Do you...want to join me?”

Anders narrowed his eyes. “Is that even a question?”

 

\---


	9. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's important to discuss the boundaries of your relationships, kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that Hawke and Anders are an official couple, time is going to start skipping significantly.
> 
> This chapter starts off awhile, say, a few months into their relationship. It'll explain. Just know that this doesn't start immediately after they got together.

“I have to admit I’m kind of disappointed I can’t fuck around with Isabela anymore,” Hawke admitted, curled up against Anders’ chest while they watched a movie one evening. 

Anders frowned. “Well, no, not without me.”

Hawke paused the movie. “Wait, what?” She looked up at him. “Are you joking?”

He shook his head. “No? Should I be?” He kissed the side of her head. “Maybe not right away, as I still want you for myself, but I don’t mind as long as she doesn’t. We can talk to her.”

Hawke’s expression hadn’t changed. “I don’t understand.”

“Hawke. It probably wouldn’t surprise you to know that most of us, myself included, have slept with Isabela at one point or another. I trust her. If you still want to fool around with her, that’s fine, I just...want to be there too.”

Hawke shook her head, astounded. “I can’t believe I ever thought you were gay.”

He smiled softly. “I’m an equal opportunity employer,” he joked. 

Hawke paused. “Okay, but… Who’d do what in this scenario?”

Anders laughed. “Really, Hawke?”

“I don’t know, I’m curious!”

“We’d have to talk to her to see what we’re all comfortable with.”

Hawke grinned. “Can I fuck you with a strap-on?”

Anders hesitated. “I...would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. A lot.” He moved his gaze to his lap, unable to make eye contact with her. “I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet. It’s still too soon, I think. Sorry.”

Hawke touched his knee lightly. “Don’t apologize, Anders. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Not your fault,” he said. “I’d like to, absolutely. No, I’d _love_ to. But not yet.”

Hawke smiled. “I’ll keep it in mind for future, though.”

“You’d better.”

 

\--

“Working on a new blog post?” Anders asked, walking into the living room where Hawke was typing on her laptop. He’d been drawn by the soft sounds of music, and had come to see what she was listening to.

The music was slow and sexy, and he wondered what she was writing about.

“Yeah, sorta,” she replied, distracted.

He stepped up behind her on the couch and placed a soft kiss on the skin between her neck and shoulder. “This is make-out-on-the-couch music, not blog-post-writing music,” he informed her. She grinned and turned to look at him.

“Depends on what kind of blog post it is, doesn’t it?” she asked. She reached for the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him down for a proper kiss. 

“Mm,” he agreed. “What kind of post is it? Do you need to do some research first?” 

“I think I have what I need,” Hawke said with a wicked grin, pushing him back up to standing with gentle fingers.

Anders let out a noise of dissatisfaction. “Fine, fine, I get it.”

“Come back in half an hour for market research. I have specifics I need to work out with this study.”

Anders laughed and turned towards the kitchen. “If you insist, though the terms of my agreement means all studying is done in a bedroom, not on the couch.”

“You’re a dirty liar, this couch has seen plenty of research.”

“The statistics are uneven, we must test the other locations,” he joked with a wink. “I’ll be back in half an hour.”

Hawke laughed and returned to her typing.

\--

 

Isabela was over when Anders came home from his twelve hour shift. He was tired, hungry, and smelled a little like vomit, as a sick toddler had puked all over him. Despite changing his scrubs, he still carried a faint whiff of sick. He needed a shower immediately.

Hawke stood when he opened the door to their apartment and he smiled to see her eager to see him in return. All the same, he’d want to be warned if he was her.

He held out his hand as she approached, stopping her. “A child threw up on me today. Don’t greet me until I’ve had a shower. I do this for you, love.”

Hawke laughed and sat back down. “Okay. There’s dinner in the fridge, Isabela made pasta.” 

Anders almost groaned. Isabela’s cooking was otherworldly. He couldn’t wait.

After he’d showered and collected hugs from both of the women, he sat between them on the couch and ate while they told him about their day. Hawke’s fingers played lazily with his hair, which was still damp from the shower.

He’d never expected this domestic bliss, especially with Isabela’s visits becoming more regular, but he didn’t mind. She kept things lively, kept both him and Hawke from dwelling too deeply on things that would pull them into the darkness. He enjoyed her company, and she made Hawke smile. Also, she’d been teaching Hawke how to cook, and it was definitely becoming known that her methods were working, as Hawke had made a few meals by herself, and was gaining a lot more confidence in the kitchen.

Setting the empty bowl on the coffee table, he let out a contented sigh. Hawke took one of his hands and kissed his cheek. “We were gonna go play in a little bit, would you like to join us?”

Anders chuckled and shook his head. “I’d hate to fall asleep on either of you. I’ll have to pass this time. You go have fun.”

Hawke grinned and kissed his cheek again. “That’s why I love you best.” She took his plate and headed towards the kitchen, winking back at Isabela. 

Anders smiled at Isabela and slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Thanks for dinner, Izzy. It was spectacular as usual.”

Isabela cuddled into his side and laughed. “It was honestly my pleasure. I can tell you’ve gained some weight, and I say it’s probably all thanks to me and Hawke.”

Anders frowned and looked at his belly where she was poking him. “What?”

“It’s not a bad thing, darling. You look healthy for once.” She traced her finger up to his cheek. “Your face is so much less sunken in. You look handsome again, and less like you’re sick.”

Anders frowned. “Thanks for that strangely backhanded compliment.”

“I mean it. You used to be very handsome, and then… Things happened, and you lost a lot of weight and it showed in your face. Lately you look healthier. You smile more. Your eyes are less shadowed.” She brushed his face with her fingertips. “You look like you used to. I’ve missed it.”

Anders sighed heavily, but his expression was calm, serene. “I think I know what you mean. I...have started actually looking at myself in the mirror again.”

Isabela smiled gently. “Good man.” She leaned in and kissed him softly. For whatever reason, he leaned back into her, letting the kiss linger. He felt her smile against his lips, her eyelashes brushing against his cheeks before she pulled away.

“You sure you’re going to bed right now, or...?” she asked, her cheeks slightly flushed.

He made a frustrated noise in his throat. “Don’t try to coerce me, either of you. I’ll fall asleep the moment I hit my pillow.”

From the hallway, Hawke let out an impatient whine. “Izzyyyyy…”

Isabela chuckled. “I’m being summoned. Shall we put you to bed for the night?” she asked, untucking herself from Anders’ embrace. 

He sighed. “Since Hawke is being _so impatient,_ I suppose that’s best.”

Hawke stuck out her tongue at him, but still opened her arms as he rounded the couch and reached for her. “Come tuck me into bed, you silly woman. If I have to listen to you through the wall at least let me be comfortable.”

A little while later and Anders had cuddled himself into his bed, blankets tucked around his chin. Hawke had already kissed him goodnight and turned off the light.

He was starting to drift off when he heard the door open slowly and saw the silhouette of Isabela in the doorway. “Hey Blondie, you awake still?” 

He sat up and cleared his throat. “Yeah, what is it?”

Isabela approached his bed and sat next to him, smiling. In the dim light, he could see she was already a little ruffled, her hair disheveled and her bra strap dangling off her shoulder. He reached to right it, her skin warm under his finger. He wanted her anyway, despite his exhaustion, but he knew his body’s limits, and he’d long since reached them. He’d be asleep the moment he lay back down.

Isabela took his hand and smiled gently. “Hawke assumed you’d be fine with it, but I just wanted to get the ultimate okay from you. You really don’t mind? She told me earlier you had said we couldn’t play without you now that you’re officially together. Without her putting you on the spot, I should say.”

Anders felt warmth in his stomach. “I meant it. I couldn’t possibly keep up with one of you, let alone both tonight. Go have fun, and take care of her because I can’t.” He cupped Isabela’s cheek with one hand. “Thank you for respecting me. It means a lot.”

Isabela leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose, and then his lips lightly. “Rain check, then.”

He nodded and lay back down against his pillows. “I promise.”

He was asleep before she left the room.

\--

Anders loves waking up next to Hawke, even if she doesn’t stir. They’ve been together for a year now, and every day is a gift to him, even if he has to wake up at 4am for an early shift at the hospital.

\--


	10. Karl's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since losing Karl, Karl's birthday has never been an easy day for Anders. Hawke has a mission.

Hawke was surprised when Varric called her out of the blue that afternoon.

“Hawke, there’s no reason you would know this so I’m giving you the heads up - Karl’s birthday is next week and that’s always been a really hard day for Blondie.”

Hawke frowned, nodding firmly as she held her phone to her ear. “What’s my mission?”

“Distract him. His shift has been rearranged so he has the day off, because he usually works about fourteen hours that day and then cries for the rest of it. Take him somewhere fun, hold his hand, talk to him about your hopes and dreams, see an action movie, have sex somewhere spontaneous,” Varric suggested.

Hawke blushed at the last suggestion, laughing. “Where should I take him?”

“He likes the aquarium and never has time to go. Take him there. Oh! And the new cat cafe just opened up downtown, take him there too.”

“You’re the best, Varric. What day is it on?”

“He has it circled on the calendar. It’s on Monday.”

“He circled it…?”

“He plans for it. Even with his medication, it’s hard for him to prevent it being a down day. Last year was really rough.”

“Why didn’t I know about this when it happened last year?” Hawke asked.

Varric sighed. “He didn’t want you to know, I don’t think. Remember, he wasn’t leveled out yet, he had a lot going on, he was dealing with figuring out feelings for you as well as still grieving. Blondie doesn’t handle things well, I’m sure you’ve noticed. That’s why he has too many cats, not enough friends, and bags under his eyes.”

“I’ll plan for the entire day.”

“That’s why we call you Champion, Hawke.”

\--

Monday came sooner than Hawke anticipated. Still, she’d prepared for it and had bought groceries to make breakfast, secured a two for one pass to the aquarium, and had directions programmed into her phone to the cat cafe.

Dawn arrived and Hawke opened her eyes to see that the clock read 8:43 AM. Anders stirred as she sat up, opening his eyes just in time to see her stretch extra luxuriously, perhaps on purpose.

“Good morning, love,” she whispered down at him, smoothing his hair out of his eyes. He blinked, still half asleep, but returned the gentle smile.

“-time is it?” he murmured.

“Irrelevant,” she replied, kissing his temple. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“What are my options?” he asked, sitting up and stretching. Hawke giggled and crawled into his lap.

“Well, I was thinking pancakes, but we could skip that and get straight to the good part of breakfast.”

“So my options are pancakes, or you,” Anders said, wrapping his arms around her waist and slipping his hands up the back of her tank top seeking out the warm skin of her back. “One is more nutritious than the other, to be sure. The other is just carbs.”

Hawke giggled with delight. “Let’s make pancakes together, because it’s sure to be a flour-covered disaster. Then we can have a shower.”

“I like the way you think,” Anders concluded. “Who wears the apron?”

“I could wear _just_ the apron,” Hawke suggested with a shrug. Anders laughed. 

“We’re not going to eat pancakes at this rate.”

\--

The pancakes were mediocre, and a little burned, but Anders didn’t care. The syrup tasted sweet on Hawke’s tongue as he kissed her, the water from the showerhead cascading down through his hair and over her cheeks as they stood, wrapped up in each other, flour rinsing from their skin, Hawke’s body hotter than the water that fell around them. 

Hawke, normally jovial with laughter in her eyes, looked completely different now, her hands all over his body, never ceasing, her eyes dark with desire as water dripped from her dark lashes. 

They stayed in the shower until the water grew cool. 

\--

“So, what should I dress for during this ‘secret outing’?” Anders called into the hall, a towel around his waist, his hair dripping occasionally onto his shoulders. 

Hawke came into the room in her bra and underwear, colored tights in her hand. “Dress for...a casual date with the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“So, every day?” he asked, kissing her. She smiled and shook her head.

“Jeans, and…” She leaned into his closet and picked a lightweight black hooded pullover and a grey scarf. “This. You look sexy in this. I want everyone to be jealous of me that I get to hold your hand.”

Anders kissed the side of her neck. “You can hold whatever you want if I know this is what you walk around the house in,” he murmured. Hawke grinned. 

“Perfect. Get dressed, we’re leaving soon. Also give me your phone. You’re not allowed to be social with anyone but me while we’re on this date.”

\--

They took the train, Hawke making sure it was the busiest time of day so she had an excuse to press close to him, steadying herself by slipping a hand into the back pocket of his jeans, casually squeezing his backside. He shook his head at her, a half-smile on his lips. “What are you planning?” he asked her softly.

“The best date of your life, obviously.”

“It’s already been perfect, how could you possibly improve on it?”

“You’ll see.”

“Alright, love. I trust you.” He kissed her gently and they continued to ride the train in silence, the warmth of her keeping him safe.

\--

The aquarium was a delight, as usual. Anders wandered the great halls with wonder in his eyes, his face serene as he watched the fish swim about in their giant tanks. 

Hawke bought them a blue raspberry slush to share from the concession stand and it tasted amazing on her lips, Hawke having found them a dark corner to share a few kisses in. 

If he hadn’t told her he loved her already, he would have told her then.

She knew. He told her often.

“So how can you top the aquarium? You keep telling me I’m going to piss myself when I see where we’re going after this,” Anders asked, squeezing Hawke’s hand in his own.

She smiled knowingly. “You’ll see,” she continued to tease.

\--

They walked through the doors of the cat cafe and Anders nearly burst into tears. “Are you serious?!”

She beamed as they walked through the secondary doors into the actual cafe. “I didn’t know it was open yet,” he breathed. 

Hawke rubbed the small of his back. “Have fun, babe. I’ll go order us some lunch, alright?” 

Anders blinked back the tears that had gathered in his eyes. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” she said with a grin, leaning up to kiss him gently on the cheek. “Go find an orange one.”

Hawke found Anders at a table with an orange cat in his lap, his nose buried in the fur of the cat’s neck. The cat lounged in his arms, perfectly content to be nuzzled.

Setting the tray of sandwiches and drinks down, Hawke smiled fondly. “I’m gonna go to the washroom really quickly, I’ll be right back, okay?”

“You bet,” Anders murmured as Hawke walked away. It was then that he noticed she’d left her purse behind. He set the orange cat down and grabbed at her bag, hunting for his phone.

He called Varric as quickly as his fingers would allow, and Varric answered with a chuckle.

“Well, well. I thought she’d taken your phone away?”

“She did. She’s in the bathroom. This was all your idea, wasn’t it?” 

Anders could hear the smile in Varric’s voice. 

“Are you having a good day, Blondie?”

Anders sighed. “It’s the best. I’m having a wonderful time. But you put her up to this?”

“Is she also having a good time?” Varric asked. 

Anders nodded, knowing Varric couldn’t see him. “Yeah, she seems to be.”

“Well. If you’re not certain, make it up to her later when you get home. In the meantime, meet us for drinks later at the Hanged Man. We’ll play cards and get drunk. Sound good?”

“What did you tell her about today?”

“Just that it’s a hard day for you. But she probably thinks she’s so much fun you’ve completely forgotten, so leave it that way, okay Blondie?”

“I’ll talk to you tonight, Varric.”

“Later.”

Anders hung up and tucked his phone back into Hawke’s purse, scooping the cat back into his arms.

Hawke walked up to the table and sat down, frowning slightly. “I saw that.”

Anders’ smile fell. “...Damn.”

“Let me guess, Varric?”

“I…”

“I just wanted to give you a good day, Anders,” Hawke said, passing him his plate and can of juice.

He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Sweetheart, I’m having the best day ever. I promise. ...But nothing can ever make me not realize what day it is. I’m sorry.”

Hawke nodded sadly and took a bite out of her sandwich. 

Anders set the cat down on the ground while another tabby rubbed at his ankles. 

“Hawke. Love. I promise I’m having a wonderful day. And how could I not with that amazing breakfast?”

“The pancakes were terrible,” Hawke muttered.

“The shower sex made up for it,” he said softly, smirking.

She met his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Definitely. You are intoxicating.” He lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed them gently. “I have felt drunk all day.”

“Can we get actual-drunk later?” she asked, her cheeks slightly flushed.

“Of course. Varric invited us for cards and drunken frivolity later.”

“Excellent.”

“Now let’s speak nothing more of it and eat these sandwiches and play with every one of these cats,” Anders said with a grin. 

\--

After seeing a violent action thriller, it was well past eight PM by the time they got to the pub and the air was cold around them. Isabela sounded like she was well into her round of drinks, and Varric was counting out coin that he’d obviously just lost. 

For once, Merrill was at the table with a hand of cards in her fingers, a small drink in front of her with bubbles up the side of the glass and a wedge of lime. She wore the same shutter shades from the time she and Hawke and Varric had walked on the beach.

Isabela stood and greeted Anders with a more enthusiastic kiss than she probably had planned, but it made him smile as he sat down next to Varric, who elbowed him in the ribs. “Fancy sweater, Blondie. Hawke dress you today?”

“You know it.”

“Hawke’s gonna undress him later, that’s why she put him in it,” Isabela announced to the table, sitting down and pulling Hawke onto her lap, free hand snaking up the back of Hawke’s shirt. “Deal her in, Varric.”

“Are we getting drunk, or what?” Hawke asked. Isabela let out a victory yell. 

“Hell yes, we’re getting drunk! I have been working towards that ever since I got here.”

Merrill smirked. “She’s well past working towards it,” she said with a small laugh. 

“Look here, Daisy,” Isabela said, tapping her fingertip against the table. “I love all of you. If I want to get drunk then I’m gonna get drunk, alright?”

Varric chuckled and dealt Anders and Hawke a hand of cards each.

They played a few rounds, did a few shots, while Varric told multiple stories. 

Hawke moved over to sit next to Anders, her hand resting on his thigh and steadily creeping upwards while Varric narrated one of his many adventures. 

Anders turned to Hawke, frowning, though his eyes were full of mirth. “Behave yourself, love, I would hate to get us kicked out of here.”

“Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes then,” she whispered back. 

Anders shook his head. “The bathroom is _filthy,_ no way!” he hissed.

Hawke smirked. “You’re telling me I wore a miniskirt for nothing today, Anders?”

Isabela watched the exchange, a sly grin on her lips. She knew based on body language alone what the conversation entailed.

She slipped her hand into her pocket, pulled out a small ring of keys and slid them under the table to Hawke, winking at her. 

Hawke excused herself, bringing her purse and glancing back at Anders, enticing him to follow her. 

It took Anders a moment before he, too, excused himself but not without an exaggerated eyeroll. He didn’t try to make up an excuse. They all knew where he was going.

“Rivaini, tell me you didn’t just hand them the key to my office,” Varric said as he shuffled his hand of cards.

Isabela grinned. “I won’t tell you a thing. Besides, you wanted them to be spontaneous today, and you _know_ how Anders feels about germs.”

Varric groaned, knowing she was right. “Alright, but you’re on cleanup duty if it’s necessary.”

She just laughed and raised her bet.

\--

Hawke made sure Anders’ hair was perfect and his clothes were straightened out before they headed back to the group. 

Varric shook his head. “If you left a mess, Hawke, I swear-”

“If you mean, did we knock all of the stuff off your desk onto the floor so we could fuck on it, then yes, I left a huge mess.” 

Varric laughed, knowing she was kidding.

Anders sat down and took one of the full shots from the middle of the table and downed it.

“You guys are too good to me.”

“He says, still high on endorphins,” Isabela says, shuffling her hand. Still, she sent a wink in his direction.

“No, I mean it. Hawke tried really hard to keep me busy today, and she succeeded. Today’s...usually a hard day for me to get through, and I did, and I wouldn’t have without all of you, especially Hawke. I...thanks, you guys.” 

Isabela smiled and held up a shot. “To Karl,” she said with a nod. 

Anders wrapped an arm around Hawke as they clinked their shot glasses together. “To Karl,” he said softly.

Hawke nodded, her eyes soft. “To Karl.”

\--

Anders fell asleep that night in Hawke’s arms while she stroked her fingers through his hair, their legs threaded together, Pounce curled up at the end of the bed. Anders had made it home before shedding a few tears, but he insisted he was still happy, kissing her deeply before announcing he was also exhausted.

They’d dressed for bed quickly, and Hawke settled him in her bed, drawing her blankets around both of them and wrapping herself around him as he started to drift off. 

“I love you, Marian Hawke,” he whispered. Hawke pressed a kiss against his forehead.

“I love you. Nothing will change that,” she whispered back. “Sleep well, my love.”

That night, for the first time in two years he’d been without Karl on his birthday, Anders slept without nightmares.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this fluffy chapter a longgggg time ago, and I'm so glad I decided to add it to the story. I hope you enjoyed it!


	11. Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You knew it was only a matter of time before they got married, right???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience in receiving this chapter.. I was supposed to post it a few days ago and then I got the flu! It's terrible being this sick.
> 
> Wish me luck in getting better, and please give me grace if there are errors, etc. It's been...a rough couple of days. XD

Anders didn’t know that Hawke was coming to visit him at the hospital so when he saw her at the nurses’ station, he lit up with a huge smile. Hawke returned his smile with a grin of her own, and he noticed she seemed to have dressed up a little. He looked down at his scrubs and sighed, knowing she didn’t care, but still. 

Hawke reached for his hands and squeezed them. “The nurses said you had a few minutes before your next appointment, so I thought I’d come say hello.” 

Anders squeezed her hands in return, just happy to see her, as nothing pleased him more than seeing or hearing from her during a twelve hour shift.

“Look,” she said, a little nervous. “I didn’t know how else to do this, and I don’t think I can wait any longer. I love you, Anders. You have made me so happy and I don’t want to wait.”

To his absolute shock and surprise, she knelt, still holding his hands. “I know this is a little unorthodox, and I don’t have a ring for you or anything, but...Will you marry me?”

Anders covered his mouth with one hand and gasped, tears springing to his eyes. “Oh Hawke, _really?_ ”

She nodded, still kneeling, and he pulled her hands to stand her up, because hospital floors are gross.

“I can’t be without you,” Hawke whispered. “Fate threw us together after shitty circumstances, and it turned into something so beautiful. Please say yes.”

Anders’ face crumpled and tears streamed down his cheeks as he pulled her into his arms. “Oh, love, of course, yes, yes of course I will!” He held her tightly, crying against her shoulder while the nurses cheered. 

He kissed her softly and rested his forehead against hers, sniffling. “I have to go to my next appointment,” he whispered. “But you have made me so happy. I love you.”

Hawke wipes the tears from his cheeks with gentle fingertips. “I love you, Anders. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

After Anders left for his appointment, Hawke received high fives and congratulations from all of the nurses. 

On her way out of the hospital, she texted Varric quickly. 

_Hawke: He said yes!_

_Varric: Of course he did. What idiot would say no to you?_

_Varric: But seriously, congrats. Also I knew this was gonna happen the moment I picked you up to go apartment shopping all that time ago. So I guess you can thank me._

_Hawke: Bite me, Varric._

_Varric: All of you keep begging me to, when will you get it through your head that my heart belongs to someone else?_

_Hawke: ...I’m getting married._

_Varric: You’re marrying Blondie. You both deserve to be happy, Hawke. I’m proud of you._

Hawke’s eyes burned with tears and she slipped her phone into her pocket. She’d tell Isabela about this in person.

\---

They planned their wedding easily, knowing that most of the attendees were friends, neither of them having much family to invite. The garden wedding was small and intimate, and Varric walked Hawke down the aisle, smiling proudly as they approached Anders who was already in tears.

Isabela stood at Hawke’s side as her maid of honor, shedding a few tears as well, while Bethany stood next to her, crying openly. Varric took his place at Anders’ right hand at the altar.

Both Hawke and Anders cried while saying their vows and exchanging their rings.

Merrill took photos of them outside by the fountain and near a lattice covered with wisteria vines in full bloom. 

But now photos were done and it was time for the reception. 

Dinner was good and simple, the speeches emotional, and Anders and Hawke were invited to open the dance floor, which they did to a simple waltz before everyone got up to join them.

Hawke was delighted to see Merrill dancing with everyone, laughing, camera around her neck, no headache today, while Isabela had convinced Fenris to dance with her before she got too drunk. Based on the blush on her cheeks, Isabela had had plenty to drink already.  
After a while, Anders kissed Hawke’s hand and insisted he needed to sit down for a moment, which was a fine excuse, but Hawke didn’t see Fenris approaching until he tapped her on the shoulder lightly.

“I suppose it would be appropriate if I asked you to dance with me,” Fenris asked, holding out his hand. “Hawke. Or is it not Hawke anymore?”

She laughed. “I’ll always be Hawke; it’s too cool of a name to get rid of, don’t you think?” She took his outstretched hand.

“I didn’t know you could dance like this,” Hawke said as he led her in a simple waltz. He smirked.

“I have a lot of talents you don’t know about,” he replied with a slight shrug. 

Hawke smirked and tightened her arm around his shoulders. “This could have been us, you know. This wedding.”

Fenris coughed. “What? Hawke, seriously, what the fuck-”

Hawke laughed, pulling him into a hug. “I’m kidding, Fenris. Thank you for coming today, I really… Didn’t expect you to.”

He cleared his throat, flustered, then met her eyes, the intensity of his gaze unnerving. “I didn’t either, honestly. But it’s not about me. What’s past is past, and… For what it’s worth, he _really_ loves you, and that’s what matters.”

“Shall we part ways on the dance floor, our friendship forever mended by our maturity?” Hawke asked with a wink, trying to cover her blush.

Fenris chuckled and nodded as Anders approached. 

Fenris turned to Anders and smiled politely. “You’d better not fuck this up like I did.”

Anders’ mouth fell open slightly and he stared, frowning as Fenris walked away to get more wine. “Charming,” he muttered.

Hawke shook her head and pulled her husband into her arms, looking up at him. “I know he’s not your favorite person in the world, but pretend to get along for the sake of this party?” 

Anders studied her face and had to smile. “I can’t hate him, honestly. After all, _I’m_ the one who got to marry you.”

Hawke giggled. “It’s true. I didn’t propose to _him,_ I proposed to you!”

Anders sighed and kissed her forehead. “What a day.”

“I’m exhausted,” she admitted. “Do we really have to entertain all these people?” 

“I’d rather just entertain you,” Anders murmured next to her ear. “Can we send everyone away? Isn’t that our decision since it’s our day?”

Hawke grinned. “You think we’ll end this party early after how expensive it was?”

Anders laughed. “You’re right, let’s get drunk.”

“Speaking of drunk, I see a beautiful woman approaching-” Hawke said, glancing behind her husband as Isabela walked up to them. Anders winked and stepped away to get some wine.

Isabela wrapped her arms around Hawke’s waist and grinned, her forehead against her friend’s. Hawke could smell the alcohol on Isabela’s breath, but her eyes were clear and full of laughter.

“Now Hawke, I’m going to anyway, but it’s always polite to ask first - can I fuck your sloppy seconds?” 

Hawke glanced over to where Fenris was standing, a bottle of wine in one hand while he chatted idly with Varric. Wearing a suit jacket with fitted dress pants, he cleaned up well. _Very_ well.

Hawke turned back to Isabela and smirked. “I’m telling you from one friend to another that you absolutely _must._ Also, I’m surprised you haven’t by this point.”

“You promise? No hard feelings?”

Hawke’s eyes glittered with mischief. “Hard _something,_ but definitely not feelings. Besides, I’ve a beautiful man of my own to go home to tonight, and now I get to call him my husband. You go have fun with whomever you like, dear.”

Isabela cooed at the nickname and hugged Hawke tightly. After a long moment, Hawke pulled away and was surprised to see tears in Isabela’s eyes. 

“Izzy? What is it?”

Isabela leaned in and kissed Hawke softly on the lips. “I’m just _so_ happy for you, Hawke. You deserve this. You both do.”

At that moment, Anders walked up, sliding an arm around Hawke’s waist. “Hey ladies, are we crying about weddings?” While joking, Anders didn’t expect to see the tears in Isabela’s eyes and was startled.

“Sorry, I was joking, Izzy…”

Isabela took the wine from him and squeezed his free hand, standing up on her toes to kiss him lightly as well. “I wish you both the most beautiful marriage, I honestly do. I love both of you so very much.”

Anders wrapped his arm around Isabela and squeezed both of the women tightly. “You’ve taken such good care of both of us these past two years, Izzy. Please don’t leave us, not yet.”

Isabela, safe inside their hug-cocoon, grinned. “My darling, you best believe I’m not finished with either of you. Go on your honeymoon and I’ll plan out some surprises for your return.”

Anders blushed. “Give us time with each other first, though?” 

“I’m jealous for her,” Isabela murmured. “You can’t keep her forever.”

Hawke giggled. “Go claim my sloppy seconds, Izzy. Isn’t that why you came to talk to me?” 

Anders laughed. “Did you come to ask permission? That’s not like you.”

Isabela shrugged. “We’re at a wedding, I’m feeling emotional. Have a good night, you two!” she sang with a wink. 

Anders waved as Isabela sauntered off to talk to Varric and Fenris. Turning back to his wife, Anders held out his hand. “Dance with me? I’ve hardly danced with you all evening.”

Hawke laughed. “Yes, all my losing suitors needed a turn.” She settled into Anders’ arms and leaned up to kiss him. “What an amazing party. We throw a good one, don’t we?”

“We sure do.” Anders rested his cheek on top of Hawke’s hair and held her close while they danced, completely unaware of the party going on around them. 

Hours passed. Cake was cut, more photos were taken, goodnights were beginning to be said.   
Isabela was laughing hysterically at something Fenris had said when she suddenly stood up. “Wait, whozat with Varric…?” She gasped. “Is that Bianca?!!?” she cried. Hawke turned to look, but Varric had already made his escape.

Hawke sighed and frowned. “I keep hearing about her, but does she actually exist?” 

Isabela laughed, her arm around Fenris’s waist, fingers dangerously close to cupping his rear. He didn’t seem to mind too much.

“She does. Varric says nothing about her but I know she exists. Part of the Hanged Man is in her name, but don’t tell ‘im I told you-”

Fenris decided it best to lead Isabela to a chair. “You keep saying you want to take me home with you, but you’re so drunk you can barely stand.” 

“I don’t need to stand to play with you,” she said, loud enough for everyone to hear. Fenris’s cheeks darkened and he glanced behind him to see that only Hawke was laughing. 

“She’s a handful,” Hawke commented, quiet enough for only Fenris to hear. “But I think she’ll be good for you.” 

Fenris sighed. “Sober her up, and perhaps we’ll see.” He paused, wondering if he should voice his next thought. “I really am happy for you, Hawke.”

Hawke smiled and squeezed his hands, leaning up to kiss his forehead. “I know.”

“Don’t tell Anders this, but… I really fucked up. Letting you go, I mean. I’m a fool.” 

Hawke sighed as well and nodded sadly. “You know what, though? We both learned a lot about each other, and probably about ourselves. These things happen for a reason.”

Fenris’s smile was soft. “You’re too good for me anyway,” he murmured. “Go be with your husband.”

People milled about and wished Anders and Hawke a happy marriage before sending them off in a limo to their hotel for the night.

In the hotel room, Hawke managed to escape the confines of her simple wedding dress, exhausted but laughing. Their bathroom was huge and they decided that a bath was necessary before they fell asleep. 

Scented like lavender and vanilla and wrapped in complimentary bathrobes from the hotel, they kissed each other goodnight and watched each other breathe before slowly drifting into sleep. 

They could consummate their marriage in the morning.

\--

After eating a lovely room service breakfast in bed with her husband, Hawke decided to check her phone for messages and found a text from Isabela. All it said was, _“You weren’t kidding.”_

Hawke just grinned, proud of herself.


	12. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hawke family never was the most fortunate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! I had half of this chapter typed up for awhile, but hadn't finished the second half until just recently. We're coming up on the last couple of chapters now... But rest assured that I'll be throwing in some 'mini-shots' which are short scenes with the same crew in various parts of the timeline, so that's something to look forward to in the future. You guys have been endlessly patient, and I appreciate it. <3

Hawke got the call from Sebastian three months after the wedding.

“Hawke, Bethy’s...really sick. I don’t know what to do.”

Hawke cried, and got on the first bus to Lothering the next morning.

\--

Anders stayed in Kirkwall because he had patients to attend, but he called Hawke every day. 

Bethany had pneumonia, Hawke reported. It wasn’t looking good.

Sebastian wasn’t the best host, but he kept the fridge full at the family home where he’d made himself rather comfortable, considering he and Bethany weren’t married.

Hawke found herself more surprised by this than anything else. He was in seminary school, living with his girlfriend?? Didn’t that get you kicked out?

Hawke wasn’t one to talk. She’d fallen in love with and married her gay roommate.

Two days into Hawke’s visit she found herself standing outside Bethany’s hospital room with an old teddy bear in her hands. Bethany’s childhood teddy. Sebastian wouldn’t have known to bring it to her.

Hawke drew in a deep breath for courage and opened the door. She’d already visited her sister earlier, but she felt different about today. Something was wrong. 

Bethany was awake, her eyes unusually bright as Hawke walked in.

“Hey, Mari,” Bethany whispered, her smile soft. She was so pale. Had she always been so pale? 

“Hi Bethy,” Hawke whispered back. “I brought you someone to cheer you up.” She handed her sister the bear and Bethany’s eyes filled with tears.

“Oh, of course you would remember to bring him - Sebastian wouldn’t have known!” Bethany hugged the small bear to her chest and looked up at Hawke.

“How are you feeling?” Hawke asked, sitting in the chair next to Bethany’s hospital bed and reaching for her hand.

“Oh, the same.” Bethany’s eyes may have been bright, but the circles under her eyes were not. Hawke wasn’t an idiot. She knew her sister wasn’t getting better.

“Bethy-”

“Listen, Hawke. You probably knew this, but - I want you to know that Mother’s house is worth a fortune. If I’m not around to look after it -”

“Bethany-”

“No, listen to me, Marian. I know the house means little to you, and I’m the only one who cares for it. If I’m not here, what does it matter if the house is sold? I want you to sell it and use the money to buy you and Anders a house in Kirkwall. Do you understand me?”

Bethany put the bear down and took both of Hawke’s hands in her own. “Buy a big house and fill it with nieces and nephews for me to look down upon, okay?” Tears began to stream down her cheeks as her voice grew thick.

Hawke shook her head. “You're not going to die, Bethy.”

“Yes, darling sister, I am. I've known for a few days.”

“How can you look me in the face right now, your eyes so bright, and tell me you know you're going to die?” Hawke whispered, tears spilling over.

Bethany drew in as deep a sigh as she was able without triggering a bout of coughing. “Because I think I have always known I was living on borrowed time. Without Mother, without Carver... Even without Father. Marian, you're the strong one. You'll survive, you always have.”

Hawke shook her head. “You're all I have left,” she whispered. “You're my only family, my baby sister... I need you.”

Bethany sobbed. “That's not true. You have Anders now, and he's your family. And you will make your own family, and be there for each other, even when it seems impossible.” Bethany tried drawing a deeper breath but winced, laying her head back against the pillows. “Can you call a nurse, please? I'm having trouble breathing.”

Hawke pressed the nurse call button and raised Bethany's fingers to her lips. “I love you, my little sister. Please try to hang on.”

“Marian, you have always inspired me to be better than I am. I am so proud to call you sister. You're so much like Father. He would be so proud of you.” Bethany began to cough as a nurse entered the room and hurried Hawke out.

Bethany passed away in the night, Hawke and Sebastian at her side.

\---

Hawke arrived home late two nights later, Anders at the bus station to pick her up. She fell into his arms and cried, her fingers tangling in the fabric of his scrubs.

“I could handle my mother’s death, but not my baby sister… Not her…” 

Anders said nothing, but kissed her hair and held her close until she was ready to go home.

\---

Sebastian visited a little while later and stayed in a hotel for a few days in Kirkwall so he and Hawke could plan Bethany’s funeral.

With respect, he asked Hawke’s permission to speak at the funeral about Andraste and the Maker, and Hawke agreed, thankful for his thoughtfulness.

“Nothing too serious, though. Bethy would want us laughing,” Hawke explained. Sebastian agreed.

The funeral back in Lothering was small, beautiful. 

Hawke spent her last day back in Lothering meeting with the family lawyer and getting paperwork taken care of. Sebastian would move back to the dorms at school. Bethany had made a will in her days at the hospital, and had left him a few of her things, knowing sentimental value meant more to him than money.

She left everything else she’d had care of to Hawke.

Sebastian drove Hawke back to the bus station and hugged her tightly. 

“We may not always see eye to eye, Hawke, but we had a common ally in Bethany. She adored you.”

Hawke’s eyes were unable to produce more tears, so she offered an emotional smile. “She adored you as well, for some reason. Though, in all of this… You took charge. You’re alright, Sebastian Vael. Keep in touch.”

“I’ll make sure the house is sold to people who will properly respect it,” he promised, her hands gripped tightly in his. He kissed the side of her head. “Take care.”

\--

About a month later, Hawke was sent an enormous cheque. Her family home had sold, and to someone wealthy, offering more than the asking price. With a heavy sigh, followed by a soft smile, she turned to her husband. “Want to go house hunting?”

\--

The move was easy because they hired movers, painters, packers. Unpacking was fun because now they shared a room. Their house was modest, three bedrooms, bashfully chosen with the future in mind. For now, a spare room for guests, and an office for Anders to do his research in. Hawke built herself a space in the living room and set up her desk and computer there.

Anders was tired of being strong for her. He was exhausted. After they had unpacked a good portion of their belongings, Anders held her that night, his lips against her temple as their eyes adjusted to the darkness in their new room.

Hawke began to cry.

“Love?” Anders asked softly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she wept. “I’m just so tired. You must be exhausted.”

Anders sighed and brushed her tears away with his thumb.

“I am, but you are more important. Are you alright, love?” 

She was quiet for a moment. 

“I’m going to call Cole in the morning.”

Anders nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” 

“Okay. He’ll help you.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he insisted. “You lost your family. I can only help so much.”

Hawke’s eyes grew wide in the dim light and she sat up, crouching over him and putting her hands on his shoulders. “No, Anders. I still have you. _You_ are my family.”

He smiled. “And you are mine.”

“We have to stick together,” she insisted. 

Anders chuckled. “I hope so. We did vow something like that before all our friends.”

Hawke sank against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you.”

“We’ll be okay, sweetheart. I promise.”

\--


	13. Minishots - Text Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric receives a text message that is DEFINITELY meant for someone else.

_“...And then, when you think I’m done, I’ll leave you begging for mercy.”_

Varric raised an eyebrow, set his phone down for a moment, and considered his options.

_“Blondie,”_ he typed. _“You’d better make good on all these offers, because I’ll be checking with Hawke to make sure you know how to do the stuff you just promised me.”_

_“Oh fuck. Shit fuck damnit fuck shitshitshit. Varric - I’m so sorry, you KNOW I meant to send that to Hawke. Damnit.”_

Varric chuckled, knowing it was certain Anders was pacing back and forth, embarrassed as all hell.

Varric typed a quick text to Hawke. _“Hawke, your husband just sexted me.”_

He copied the text and sent it to Hawke, who replied within moments.

_“My goodness,”_ she replied. _“I can vouch for about half of those things being true, but I hope he’s prepared for you to be disappointed.”_

Varric laughed out loud. _“I didn’t realize he knew how to talk like that.”_

Hawke’s reply was littered with emojis of laughing faces. _“I think he’s learned a bit from Isabela, because I didn’t know that either. He’s usually all action, very little talk.”_

Varric chuckled. _“Well, I don’t need to know more than that, thanks. Text your husband. Tell him we’re all cool. Remind him that I’m still not interested, no matter how he begs me.”_

_“You’re irresistible, Varric. You know we’ll never give up. None of us. Your chest hair begs to be touched.”_

_“Damnit woman,”_ he typed back with a smile, _“I am not an object.”_

_“Put that pelt away, then. Some might say you’re asking for it.”_

_“Text your husband, Hawke. He’s embarrassed enough without the anxiety of waiting for our replies.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends. I know there are only two or so of you still reading this (thanks!), and I just wanted to say that I've gotten most of the story out of the way. 
> 
> There may not be a 'final chapter', but the odd 'minishot' here and there. 
> 
> Feel free to check in whenever to see if there's anything else, but know that I'm thankful if you read this far with me. <3


	14. Minishot - Joke's On You, Varric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short scene in which our favorite dwarf is teased too much.

Isabela let out a laugh in triumph, collecting the coins in the middle of the table with a grand sweep of her arms. “I win! Let me gather up my fistfuls of winning.”

“You could grab more if your fists were bigger, they’re so tiny,” Varric commented, taking a swig of ale.

“You wouldn’t be so smug if I shoved my fists up your ass!” Isabela shot back.

“I recommend it, it’s quite pleasant,” Fenris added nonchalantly, shuffling the cards in his hands.

Varric snorted, covering his face as ale dribbled over his chin.

“He’s right, she _is_ good at it,” Hawke said with a shrug, nodding at Fenris.

Anders chuckled. “I’ll third that.”

Varric stood and threw his hands into the air. “I am _not_ drunk enough for this conversation.”

Isabela laughed and called after him, “Want me to show you? C’mon Varric, you’re the only one who hasn’t had the pleasure!” 

Varric covered his ears while Hawke, Anders and Fenris chuckle at the table, allies but for a moment at Varric’s expense.


	15. So Much Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good news!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of Snapshots, as Hawke and Anders move on to a new chapter of their own. :) I hope you've enjoyed my story.

Hawke was certain she was pregnant. It couldn’t be possible, she was on birth control, but --- birth control was never 100%, and the Hawke line was nothing if not determined to break social norms.

Afraid to tell her husband without confirmation, Hawke brought Isabela with her to the clinic and held her hand through the entire appointment. Hawke waited for the doctor to come back with the results, her hands trembling. 

The doctor returned, a folder in her hand. “Well, Marian. It’s official. You’re pregnant.”

Hawke let out a small noise of what sounded like shock, while Isabela lit up with a huge grin. “Congratulations!”

Hawke, face pale, drew in a breath. “Do you know...how far along?”

“About eight weeks. I advise you to stop your birth control immediately, though your baby has already proven itself to be quite the fighter.” The doctor squeezed Hawke’s knee. 

“It's a lot to take in, I know. But you'll be fine, and well taken care of.” She handed Hawke a stack of paperwork. “Well, Marian, here are some pamphlets that will go over your various options. If you decide to carry on with your pregnancy, speak to reception and they can book your first ultrasound appointment. Do you have any questions for me?”

Hawke shook her head, still pale. “No, thank you…”

The doctor glanced at Isabela. “Look after her, would you?”

“I always do,” Isabela replied with a smile. “C’mon, sweet thing, let’s get you some air.”

\--

“I’m going to film his reaction,” Hawke announced, her bottle of lemonade clutched tightly between her fingers as she and Isabela sat together on a bench outside the clinic. 

Isabela chuckled. “Why?”

“Why not? Because it’ll be great. Because he’ll probably start crying.” Hawke shrugged. “Do I need more reasons?”

“I have to ask, Hawke. How did you not notice? Haven’t you been feeling sick if you’re this many weeks by now?” Isabela asked, taking a long pull of her coffee. 

Hawke sighed. “I attributed my last bout of vomiting to the awful dinner I’d made, because Anders didn’t feel great either after he ate it. Besides, Izzy, you know me. I don’t get sick.”

“We’ll see how long that lasts, eh sweet thing?”

Hawke sighed. “Let’s go to the store on the way home. I have an idea.”

\--

Anders was really into the whole “Share a Coke with…” movement. He bought the cute ones, the funny ones, bought ones for Hawke that said ‘Share a Coke with your Love’.

Hawke waited at home, webcam facing outward to capture him when he came home. A can of Coke sat on the floor in the foyer where he would enter the room.

Impatiently, Hawke paced and waited for Anders to come home from his shift. 

When he did, he beamed at her from across the room. “Hey, love! How was your day?”

His foot nudged the Coke can as he stepped towards her for a hug, and he stopped. “What’s this?”

“Read it,” Hawke said, her grin ever-growing.

Anders picked up the can and frowned, reading it. “Share a Coke with...Oh, it’s been crossed out. Share a Coke with...a Father?” He glanced at her, his frown deeper. “Hawke…”

She smiled, waiting for him to realize what she was insinuating.

“Are you-?”

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered, and he dropped the can onto the floor, ignoring the fact that it rolled under the couch as he reached for her.

“Are you serious?!” he cried, bursting into tears as he held her tightly. “When did you find out?”

“Just today. I wanted to be sure before I told you.”

“How far along are you?” he asked, pushing her away gently so he could look at her more carefully. He assessed her with a doctor’s eyes, instead of her husband’s, seeming to notice subtle changes.

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice, look at you. You _do_ look different,” he murmured. “Perfect, more beautiful, more alive-”

“Anders, you’re being ridiculous.”

“When is your ultrasound?” he asked. “It’s happening at my hospital. When can I tell the nurses?”

Hawke laughed. “I’m _so_ posting this on YouTube.”

\--

_“Twins!?”_ Hawke and Anders cried together. The ultrasound technician smiled.

“Yes, twins. See?” She pointed carefully at the shadows on the screen and explained what parts belonged to each baby.

“Twins,” Hawke breathed, wiping tears from her cheeks. “Like Bethany and Carver…” 

The technician printed out a photo of the ultrasound and handed them each a copy. 

“See you again in a few weeks!”

\--

A couple of months passed without incident, unless the incident was Hawke whining about her condition. Growing two babies was hard work.

Isabela offered to help as much as possible, but was together with Fenris again and so nighttime back rubs were only from Anders if he could manage it - he had been taking extra shifts to save up for all the expenses they would undoubtedly encounter once the babies were born.

Varric commissioned a carpenter friend to make two wooden cribs and had them delivered to the house with a note that said, “I know I’m your favorite. Love, V.”

Hawke was miserable. She felt bloated all the time and was in near constant need to be next to a bathroom lest she pee all over the floor. 

When Hawke wasn't well and Anders was at work, sometimes Merrill would come over and knit while they watched tv together, engaging in small talk. Merrill would always bring some sort of homeopathic good, which Hawke began to appreciate as the weeks went on. Merrill’s homemade cocoa butter stretch mark cream was amazing. 

Varric called before he came over, which wasn't often, but he texted constantly to ensure Hawke had everything she needed. With only a text as warning, he sent two men over from a painting company to paint the nursery for Hawke, who was now so heavily pregnant she could barely stay upright for more than ten minutes.

Isabela dropped by whenever she could, offering foot and belly rubs, promising she would be there to help with the babies no matter what happened. 

Hawke understood. Isabela was happy with Fenris. It was a good reason for her to be busy all the time.

Anders, however, remained in a mild state of panic the entire duration of his wife's pregnancy. He saw Cole a few times, but assured Hawke he was fine, and Hawke believed him because he had been taking his medication, and keeping his appointments with the counselor. 

He eventually confessed how terrified he was about becoming a father, not just to one but to two babies, and worried they might not like him, or what if they didn't have anything in common and what if they developed bipolar like him and -- 

Hawke silenced him with a kiss to soothe his worries.

“If they're half as good a person as you are, we would be the luckiest parents in the world,” she promised. 

Anders seemed satisfied with her answer.

The sooner Hawke arrived at her due date, the more often Anders spent talking to the nurses about his excitement. He knew the day his wife went into labor would be a cluster of activity. 

He was right.

Hawke went into labor around 2:30am on a Tuesday morning and Anders called a taxi for them, too anxious to drive. 

Hawke’s labor went as expected, full of screaming and medication and sweating and cursing -- but around twelve hours later, two perfect babies were born, six minutes apart, a girl born first, then her tiny brother.

Anders kissed Hawke and wept as the attending physician handed him his daughter, a tiny thing with black hair and a powerful set of lungs. Moments later, the tiny boy, blond and whimpering softly, was handed to Hawke. 

“Two,” Hawke whispered, touching her son's soft forehead. “Anders, what do we name them?” 

Anders sniffled and kissed his daughter's forehead. “Bethany,” he said. “Can we name her Bethany?” 

Hawke smiled, her eyes welling up. “Let's name our boy Karl.”

Anders sat in the chair next to her, overcome with emotion. “Love -- are you sure?” 

“Karl was important to you. I want our son to be named for someone important.”

Anders nodded. “Yes… Karl and Bethany. Our babies.”

“Our family,” Hawke said gently. 

\---

Bethany Leandra Hawke and Karl Malcolm Carver Hawke were the talk of the hospital. 

Deemed healthy enough to go home the next day, Hawke was taught the basics of feeding and given many pamphlets and phone numbers for nurse help lines. 

After dinner, Hawke was holding Karl who was fast asleep, his pale hair more strawberry blond in the light now that he was clean, when Isabela walked around the corner cautiously, Fenris trailing behind her, dragged by the hand. 

“Hawke?” Isabela whispered. “Oh, sweet thing, congratulations!!” she breathed as Hawke noticed her in the doorway.

Anders wasn't in the room at the moment, which meant Bethany was interested in the new voices, and fussed in her bassinet next to Hawke’s bed. 

“This is Karl,” Hawke said softly, then nodding to her daughter fussing in the bassinet, “And Bethany.” She looked past Isabela at Fenris and smiled. 

“Hi Fenris. Long time no see.” 

Fenris stood frozen in the doorway, unsure of how to react. 

Anders arrived right then with a cup of tea for his wife in hand. “Hey!” He nudged Fenris with his elbow. “Have you met our babies?” 

Fenris seemed to snap out of it. “Oh, yes, Hawke was just introducing us. Bethany and Karl, she says. Good names.”

Anders smiled softly and accepted an emotional hug from Isabela before picking Bethany up who had begun to fuss louder at the sound of his voice.

“Want to hold either of them?” he asked. 

Fenris stepped back as if Anders had held out a bag of spiders. “Thank you, but I'm no good with children.”

Isabela chuckled. “Give her to me immediately, I absolutely _must_ bite those cheeks.”

Anders and Isabela launched into animated conversation about Hawke and the delivery, while Hawke kept her eye on Fenris as he stepped into the hallway. She understood. She was overwhelmed too. 

They didn't stay long, Isabela leaving them both with a kiss and a promise to call her if they need _anything_ and that she was an excellent baby cuddler. 

Fenris shook Anders’ hand before leaning over and kissing Hawke on the forehead. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered into her ear. “This… Motherhood. You wear it well.” 

Hawke’s eyes filled with tears and she cradled her son close. “Thank you,” she whispered. “This is an entirely new adventure.”

“You are well equipped,” he assured her, brushing his fingertips across Karl's soft hair. “Take care of yourself.”

Isabela and Fenris left and Bethany began to fuss. Anders helped Hawke switch baby Karl into the basin and Bethany into Hawke’s arms for feeding.

“He knows he fucked up,” Anders said gently. “Fenris, I mean. He doesn't hide it anymore.”

“Anders--”

“I'm not jealous, not anymore. I just think it's interesting that he isn't afraid to show it. I think... I kind of respect that.”

“Alert the media,” Hawke joked. Anders flicked her arm. 

“Feed Beth and get some rest, love. I'll get you home soon.”

\--

Merrill had knitted green and yellow blankets for the babies and they sat on the doorstep in a basket tied with ribbon when Anders and Hawke brought the babies home the following afternoon. 

It would be a big adjustment period, going from two to four people in their house, but they were up to the challenge. Hawke had promises to keep. Anders and the babies were her family. 

She wouldn't let her sister down.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who read this and commented --- comments mean so much to me. I love to know what you like, what you didn't like, etc. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through this journey. I lost my steam towards the end there which is why I haven't updated in forever, but here we have the final chapter! Yay!!! I did it!!!! 
> 
> I may post a minishot here and there but only as inspiration hits.
> 
> Take care of yourselves, darlings. You're all amazing.


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